Archive for marriage
Photo courtesy of WolfSoul and is licensed under a creative commons license.
Silent secrets of the heart
Break your spirit into parts
parts of love and parts of pain
searching for one’s self again . . .
Silent secrets speak no peace
Only vague uncertainties
Leaving traces in disguise
Of dormant truths that will arise
Silent secrets tell no lies
And it comes as no surprise
When the silence breaks the core
Heart and spirit fight no more
Silent secrets have no bearing
on what we call love or caring
for they only weigh the spirit
Weighted hearts hold no merit
Silent secrets can’t tell lies
They are revealed in the eyes
Of the soul who bears evidence
Of the secret’s consequence.
Silent secrets speak so loud
Though they leave a question cloud
As to whether they are really heard
Heart and Soul speak a foreign word
Silent secrets do tell lies
to the self in haunting cries
to release their awful woe
let them loose! freely flow!
Silent secrets released alas!
from the hidden looking glass;
spirit free; heart released a ton
heart and spirit now dance as one!
He was sinfully proud of her beauty
Her complexion and velvety touch brought him immense joy
On occasions he’d simply watch her with passion;
Delicately caressing her softness…
To keep her closer, he removed her from her essense.
Inevitiably, she withered away.
Thus, he lost not only his pride; but also his joy;
Written by CordieB.
Quote for the Day: If you allow pride to cause you to cut your rose from its root, you’re bound to lose not only your pride, but more sadly your joy. ~CordieB.
Peace, Light and Love. . . .
….Continued from the previous post . . . .
The Darker Side of Love Part II ~Written by CordieB ©2008
I have always loved Charna. I knew and loved her since I can remember remembering. I only wished there were a way to break this curse of love and darkness. I consulted with all the masters of the day–the Crown Witches, Warlocks and High Priests–but no one had any answers. The answer, they insisted lie in me. They only gave me riddles. Why is it that they could not break the curse or give me the answer. Perhaps they really had no answers. They had warned me time after time about falling so deeply in love with Charna, again. They had advised me to find a new love; that love was not meant to be passed from life time to life time. It was unnatural for one to return to their humanly body and consort with a past acquaintance. It always caused problems – it was a freak of nature, time and space. Usually, nature corrected itself by casting both together into eternal darkness. That is something I did not want to happen. I would avoid eternal darkness at all costs.
I began to question my own judgment. Was I being selfish for not granting Charna the gift of eternal life and youth on earth? In her past lives she never demanded eternal life as she has this time. Seems each generation becomes wickeder and wickeder. Was I really protecting Charna from the curse, or was I in fact being selfish in my refusal. I could not reveal the Secret of Loving the Undead to Charna as long as she was mortal; to do so would mean eternal damnation and suffering for both of us. The laws were written long ago in order to keep balance between the live and undead. Charna had died naturally in most of her past lives. Tragically, she took her own life the past two lives. Although she was depressed in her past lives, I had never witnessed evil in her. I had never expected thought she’d turn this way; as she had always been so passive. Her evilness and insistence was beginning to effect me. I often prayed that she would become sick, get hit by a car. Of course I knew that I would miss her; but I also knew that she would return to me in another of her lives.
Each time she returned, I promised myself that I would not seek her; I would leave her to live her life in a normal manner, the manner for which the universe had intended. I would love her enough to allow her to find love and give love to a mortal like herself. But my love for her was so strong that each time she was borne again, I would watch her, love her – knowing that I would someday marry her once more.
If I bit her, she would become immortal, but I would be instantly transposed into a mere mortal. I would have to grow old, get sick, and live through all the travesties that mortals have to live through. Although I felt I could do it, I was unsure if Charna could continue to love me if the roles were reversed. Also, although it’s hard admitting to myself, I fear the unknown. I fear death. Does Charna love me to the degree that I would be rematerialized as I love her. Was her love strong enough to bring me back as a mortal many times over as my love is for her. Would she be able to keep the secret from me, as I have kept it from her through many life times, in order that we not be cast into eternal damnation?
I never had to make these decisions in her past lives. She never had insisted on being bitten. But this time around, Charna became obsessed with youth, glamour, and immortality. I could not help but notice that most humans in general have become obsessed with immorality. I, on the other hand, never had to give it much thought. I have forever been immortal, so to think about immortality for me has never been an issue. That is until now. Now that I feel I must make a choice in order to ensure that Charna is happy. I hate to see her misery. It in itself is like eternal damnation.
Perhaps I should not have introduced her to the underworld crowd. But, I remembered how sad and alone she felt in past lives because she had no one to share our secret life with. I thought that by her having the ability to meet and talk with those of the underworld about our life, to have friends who understood. . . . people she could relate to . . . she would not fall into the deep depression, and madness she always fell into in her past lives.
I felt I had all the answers this time. But, I’ve unfortunately manifested a monster. The world has changed so much sense Charna’s last manifestation, or has it always been this way? Things started changing in the late 60’s. That’s the first time that Charna’s demise resulted from self destruction. All demises before the 60’s resulted from illness or accidents. The 60’s was a time that women were beginning to "find" themselves. The Charna that I had manifested in the past did not fit into this new world. Our secret had to be kept; yet, women were venturing out into the world. She wanted to venture out too. It depressed her to not be able to share our experiences with her mortal friends. Before, she had been happy with it just being us. I took care of her. We had each other; that’s all we needed. But the 60s brought on new complications for me. . . for us. Woman were insisting on speaking their minds; including Charna. Her frustration on my insistence on her not mingling or confiding with her friends and my desire to keep her all to myself eventually lead to her depression. Those friends that she did confine with thought her to be mad-insane. Her own family insisted that she was insane or on one of the new drugs of the century for believing she was married to a vamp. Shamefully, I in my selfishness back then never told them anything different. I was not man or immortal enough to defend her back then. I was an immature vamp then. I learned the hard way that I could not control Charna.
I thought I had the surest answer this time around. I would introduce her to the other side. This way, she would have others to relate to. It would be perfect. Perhaps I was wrong.
To be continued. . .
This seemingly unending roller coaster ride is wearing me out
Why won’t the conductor stop this ride . . . I scream! I cry! I shout!
I hold on tight; while alternately waving my hands wildly in the air
I look to the clouds, Oh God, I whisper a desperate prayer
The roller coaster ride is making me feel ill, ill, ill!
Round and round; up and down; over and over; never still
My stomach drops–aches with nausea; head aches; heart races
Round and round; up and down; recycling, revisiting the same stories, spaces, places
The roller coaster stops briefly; Alas, I can now get off —
Finally! I catch my breath…Enough is enough is enough, IS ENOUGH!
But NO! . . . the conductor obliviously pulls the switch again!
I curse! If I ride this damn ride once more; I’ll surely go insane
Yet, with half-closed, squinted eyes, I ascend slowly, steadily to the top of the track
I reach the top – Whoa! Here I go again, plunging swiftly, violently back
Into the abyss of twirling ups and downs; abrupt turns, turn arounds
I swear when this roller coaster again slows down
I’m jumping off! I’d much rather be bruised; broken, pray tell . . .
Not dead, from riding this never ending circle of heaven hell
…Get on a calmer ride; perhaps, maybe? the merry go round
Then again, I think I’ll stick, perhaps, maybe? to solid ground
I wrote this poem today and drew the picture after being hurled down another steep rollercoaster ride – my fault though! F…. me once, shame on you . . . F….. me twice, three, four. . . . shame on me! Anywho . . . I read the words below on Lostwidow’s blog some time ago. The words she shared came back clearly to me. Thus, I clicked on over there, read it about twice; now I’m cutting and pasting to share the words with you below.
There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When
people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.
When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us.[1 John 2:19]
People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.
Let them go.
And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead.
You’ve got to know when it’s dead.
You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something. I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He’ll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don’t need it. Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and was never intended for your life,
then you need to……
LET IT GO!!!
LET IT GO!!!
LET IT GO!!!
LET IT GO!!!
LET IT GO!!!
LET IT GO!!!
“The Battle is the Lord’s!”
T. J. Jakes
When I was a girl
I would sit and listen to my auntees
and other older woman talk
about having to marry men they did not love
and how they eventually "learned to love."
I thought that was about the saddest
thing that anyone could ever do;
to marry someone and have to "learn to love"
was, in my opinion, the most sadistic,
most saddest, existence I could imagine . . .
until I grew up and I married
a knight in shining armour . . .
who turned out to be
a nightmare in shining armour . . .
and I began to . . .
"Learn to Hate"
~Written by CordieB
P.S. This is in the past. . . We divorced years ago. . .
For information on Domestic Violence, visit TallT’s Blog . She, painfully, yet bravely, tells her story and reaches out to anyone who may be living in this sad and dangerous situation. She is a trooper who also was able to bravely walk run away and awaken from a nightmare in shining armour.
Photo courtesy of without you.’s photos and is licensed under the Creative Commons license.
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone, but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer . . . I Corinthians 7:3-5 (NIV)
If you are looking for someone to be your everything, don’t look around, look up! God is the only One who can be everything. By expecting perfection from the flesh, yu ask more of someone else than what you can provide yourself. To be married is to have a partner: someone who is not always there or always on target or always anything! On the other hand, should you ever get in trouble and you don’t know who to look to for help, you can count on your partner! It is to have someone to curl up against when the world seems cold and life uncertain. It is having someone who is as concerned as you are when your children are ill. It is having a hand that keeps checking your forehead when you aren’t well. To be married is to have someone’s shoulder to cry on as they lower your parent’s body into the ground. It is wrapping wrinkled knees in warm blankets and giggling without teeth! To the person you marry, you are saying, “When my time comes to leave this world and the chill of eternity blows away my birthdays and my future stands still in the night; it’s your face I want to kiss good-bye. It is your hand I want to squeeze as I slip from time into eternity. As the curtain closes on all I have attempted to do and be, I want to look into your eyes and see that I mattered. Not what I looked like. Not what I did or how much money I made. Not even how talented I was. I want to look into the teary eyes of someone who loved me and see I mattered.”