Looking in the Mirror

Spiritual Revelations for those seeking Humanity in Humans ~~CordieB.

Archive for Abuse

Psychopath Test

Psychopath Soul by ~mustafaburak

Psychopath Soul by ~mustafaburak

Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result. This is not a trick question.  It is as it reads.   No one I know has got it right.

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did not know.   She thought this guy was amazing.  She believed him to be her dream guy so much, that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What is her motive for killing her sister?

 

[Give this some thought before you scroll down for the answer]

Answer:

She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again.  

If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath.  This was a test by
a famous American Psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer.   Many arrested serial killers took part in the
test and answered the question correctly.

—Disclaimer–I received this via email . . . . I thought it was interesting. . . I have no idea if it is true; but I found it rather thought provoking.  So What was your answer!–

The Darker Side of Love ~Part II

 

….Continued from the previous post . . . .

Island ~CordieB

Island ~CordieB

The Darker Side of Love Part II  ~Written by CordieB ©2008

I have always loved Charna. I knew and loved her since I can remember remembering. I only wished there were a way to break this curse of love and darkness. I consulted with all the masters of the day–the Crown Witches, Warlocks and High Priests–but no one had any answers. The answer, they insisted lie in me. They only gave me riddles. Why is it that they could not break the curse or give me the answer. Perhaps they really had no answers. They had warned me time after time about falling so deeply in love with Charna, again. They had advised me to find a new love; that love was not meant to be passed from life time to life time. It was unnatural for one to return to their humanly body and consort with a past acquaintance. It always caused problems – it was a freak of nature, time and space. Usually, nature corrected itself by casting both together into eternal darkness. That is something I did not want to happen. I would avoid eternal darkness at all costs.

I began to question my own judgment. Was I being selfish for not granting Charna the gift of eternal life and youth on earth? In her past lives she never demanded eternal life as she has this time. Seems each generation becomes wickeder and wickeder. Was I really protecting Charna from the curse, or was I in fact being selfish in my refusal. I could not reveal the Secret of Loving the Undead to Charna as long as she was mortal; to do so would mean eternal damnation and suffering for both of us. The laws were written long ago in order to keep balance between the live and undead. Charna had died naturally in most of her past lives. Tragically, she took her own life the past two lives. Although she was depressed in her past lives, I had never witnessed evil in her. I had never expected thought she’d turn this way; as she had always been so passive. Her evilness and insistence was beginning to effect me. I often prayed that she would become sick, get hit by a car. Of course I knew that I would miss her; but I also knew that she would return to me in another of her lives.

Each time she returned, I promised myself that I would not seek her; I would leave her to live her life in a normal manner, the manner for which the universe had intended. I would love her enough to allow her to find love and give love to a mortal like herself. But my love for her was so strong that each time she was borne again, I would watch her, love her – knowing that I would someday marry her once more.

If I bit her, she would become immortal, but I would be instantly transposed into a mere mortal. I would have to grow old, get sick, and live through all the travesties that mortals have to live through. Although I felt I could do it, I was unsure if Charna could continue to love me if the roles were reversed. Also, although it’s hard admitting to myself, I fear the unknown. I fear death. Does Charna love me to the degree that I would be rematerialized as I love her. Was her love strong enough to bring me back as a mortal many times over as my love is for her. Would she be able to keep the secret from me, as I have kept it from her through many life times, in order that we not be cast into eternal damnation?

I never had to make these decisions in her past lives. She never had insisted on being bitten. But this time around, Charna became obsessed with youth, glamour, and immortality. I could not help but notice that most humans in general have become obsessed with immorality. I, on the other hand, never had to give it much thought. I have forever been immortal, so to think about immortality for me has never been an issue. That is until now. Now that I feel I must make a choice in order to ensure that Charna is happy. I hate to see her misery. It in itself is like eternal damnation.

Perhaps I should not have introduced her to the underworld crowd. But, I remembered how sad and alone she felt in past lives because she had no one to share our secret life with. I thought that by her having the ability to meet and talk with those of the underworld about our life, to have friends who understood. . . . people she could relate to . . . she would not fall into the deep depression, and madness she always fell into in her past lives.

I felt I had all the answers this time. But, I’ve unfortunately manifested a monster. The world has changed so much sense Charna’s last manifestation, or has it always been this way? Things started changing in the late 60’s. That’s the first time that Charna’s demise resulted from self destruction. All demises before the 60’s resulted from illness or accidents. The 60’s was a time that women were beginning to "find" themselves. The Charna that I had manifested in the past did not fit into this new world. Our secret had to be kept; yet, women were venturing out into the world. She wanted to venture out too. It depressed her to not be able to share our experiences with her mortal friends. Before, she had been happy with it just being us. I took care of her. We had each other; that’s all we needed. But the 60s brought on new complications for me. . . for us. Woman were insisting on speaking their minds; including Charna. Her frustration on my insistence on her not mingling or confiding with her friends and my desire to keep her all to myself eventually lead to her depression. Those friends that she did confine with thought her to be mad-insane. Her own family insisted that she was insane or on one of the new drugs of the century for believing she was married to a vamp. Shamefully, I in my selfishness back then never told them anything different. I was not man or immortal enough to defend her back then. I was an immature vamp then. I learned the hard way that I could not control Charna.

I thought I had the surest answer this time around. I would introduce her to the other side. This way, she would have others to relate to. It would be perfect. Perhaps I was wrong.

To be continued. . .

The Heaven-Hell Love-Hate Rollercoaster Ride

Heaven-Hell Rollercoaster

Relationship Rollercoaster ~CordieB

This seemingly unending roller coaster ride is wearing me out

Why won’t the conductor stop this ride . . . I scream! I cry! I shout!

I hold on tight; while alternately waving my hands wildly in the air

I look to the clouds, Oh God, I whisper a desperate prayer

The roller coaster ride is making me feel ill, ill, ill!

Round and round; up and down; over and over;  never still

My stomach drops–aches with nausea; head aches; heart races

Round and round; up and down; recycling, revisiting the same stories, spaces, places

The roller coaster stops briefly; Alas, I can now get off —

Finally! I catch my breath…Enough is enough is enough, IS ENOUGH!

But NO! . . . the conductor obliviously pulls the switch again!

I curse! If I ride this damn ride once more; I’ll surely go insane

Yet, with half-closed, squinted eyes, I ascend slowly, steadily to the top of the track

I reach the top – Whoa! Here I go again, plunging swiftly, violently back

Into the abyss of twirling ups and downs; abrupt turns, turn arounds

I swear when this roller coaster again slows down

I’m jumping off! I’d much rather be bruised; broken, pray tell . . .

Not dead, from riding this never ending circle of heaven hell

…Get on a calmer ride; perhaps, maybe? the merry go round

Then again, I think I’ll stick, perhaps, maybe? to solid ground

~By CordieB

——

I wrote this poem today and drew the picture after being hurled down another steep rollercoaster ride – my fault though!  F…. me once, shame on you . . . F….. me twice, three, four. . . . shame on me!  Anywho . . . I read the words below on Lostwidow’s blog some time ago.  The words she shared came back clearly to me.  Thus, I clicked on over there, read it about twice; now I’m cutting and pasting to share the words with you below.  

——- 

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When
people can walk away from you: let them walk. 
I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us.[1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead.

You’ve got to know when it’s dead.

You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something. I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He’ll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don’t need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and was never intended for your life,

then you need to……

LET IT GO!!!

LET IT GO!!!

LET IT GO!!!

LET IT GO!!!

LET IT GO!!!

LET IT GO!!!

“The Battle is the Lord’s!”

T. J. Jakes

 

Buttons out of Her Eyes ~By CordieB.

 
Old Teddy Bear by Jambalaya on deviant
=============================

 

She often felt like a soft cuddly teddy bear;
Whose affection was always at his avail;
Yet tossed to the side when the need was not there;
Into the future she stared, hoping love would prevail.

But the prospect of new toys always gave him a thrill;
So there love was neglected from obscurities;
Thus she often lay alone in a corner awaiting his will;
During his unstable moments of false insecurities.

The teddy bear had been used for comfort so long;
Her fur became matted; her filling almost gone;
But through self love and God’s grace she reversed her early demise;
By refusing to allow buttons to be made from her eyes.

~By CordieB – dedicated to all the teddybears out there.  Don’t allow anyone to make buttons out of your eyes . . . You’ll need your vision to see reality!

This one was inspired by Paisley and poefusions tuesday title prompt , which was a line from one of Gregory Corso’s poem, The Mad Yak- “They want to make buttons out of my bones” 

The Saddest Thing I’ve Ever Learned


Abuse by ~xchildofvasolinex on deviant ART

When I was a girl

I would sit and listen to my auntees

and other older woman talk

about having to marry men they did not love

and how they eventually "learned to love."

I thought that was about the saddest

thing that anyone could ever do;

to marry someone and have to "learn to love"

was, in my opinion, the most sadistic,

most saddest, existence I could imagine . . .

until I grew up and I married

a knight in shining armour . . .

who turned out to be

a nightmare in shining armour . . .

and I began to . . .

"Learn to Hate"

~Written by CordieB

P.S.  This is in the past. . . We divorced years ago. . .

For information on Domestic Violence, visit TallT’s Blog .  She, painfully, yet bravely, tells her story and reaches out to anyone who may be living in this sad and dangerous situation.  She is a trooper who also was able to bravely walk   run away and awaken from a nightmare in shining armour.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not the apology of  evil, nor the justification of mistreatment and offense.  It is the evocation, the clamor of the victim to God saying : Oh Lord take from me any poison that is in my heart, since this is like the smoke that hurts and blinds my vision.

Life must not coexist with infinite hate, on the contrary, it must return to Peace.  And when there has been affliction, physical and moral harm, then forgiveness is a miracle, which means the direct intervention of the Presence  of God.

We all make mistakes and the human being goes wrong in many ways but when there is misuse of power, abandonment, or misery, then this does not go away in a moment and traces stay. Forgiveness has the wonderful aptitude to heal these deep wounds.

To forgive is really self transformation, it is like emerging of darkness, of death. Nothing can be compared to Forgiveness. It is the conciliation of heaven and earth, the annulment of evil, of sin, of pain, of conflict and even of death. The person who forgives, discovers in his heart that God exists since  forgiveness is the understanding that allows us to receive the grace, which means, the Presence of God in the whole plenitude of the inner life.

For further reading, please visit:  Healing Quotes

Maya Angelou – I know why the caged bird sings

A free bird leaps on the back of the wind
and floats downstream till the current ends
and dips his wing in the orange suns rays and dares to claim the sky

But a bird that stalks down his narrow cage
can seldom see through his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied, so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.
(Written by Maya Angelou)

This poem was inspired by Paul Lawrence Dunbar’s poem entitled, Sympathy.   In Maya’s autobiography, I know why the Caged Bird Sings, she writes about sexual abuse she suffered as a girl and about prejudices of society.  Maya, who we know to be so rich in speach and intellect, actually stopped speaking for years following the abuse.  Through the miracle of God and his hands (other people) Maya was able to move out of her shell and become the outspoken, free as a bird Maya we now know and love.  We as humans need to ensure that we help those who are abused and are in a shell.  We should not sit by idly and watch others whom we know suffer.  We should offer gentle encouragement and our love, if nothing more.  In the case of children, we should take steps to protect the children at all costs.  I personally know why the caged bird sings and what it feels; I truly appreciate the love and support that was shown to me to help me regain my freedom years ago, while living as a battered spouse.

I often wonder why humans have such a need to control and hurt other humans, especially children.  I know of no other species that feels the need of such control.  I have found through my experiences that those who desire to control, have very low self images of themselves.  They feel that being in control of others gives them power; or being in control simply makes them feel good about themselves.  They are often so afraid of losing that which they control so tightly, that the end result is abuse.  Victims of spouse abuse often feel sorry for those who hurt them, and therefore stay in unloving relationships out of duty, obligation or sympathy.   Adult victims feel they can handle the abuse, and truly believe the abuser will change.  Abusers can change, but the change must come from them, not the victim.  If this message applies to you, my advice to you is to run away as far as you can, and do not look back.  Do not go back unless you are 100 percent sure that the person has truly changed–this seldom ever happens. (you’ll know in your heart).   Once you leave, get some type of counseling, because so often there is somethng about victims that attract abusive people.  Don’t make excuses for an abuser.  An abuser gains control by manipulating others to feel sympathy for him or her.   

I feel that although people may have bad days, bad years, or even bad childhoods, it gives them no excuse for abusing others (mentally, emotionally, or physically).    I believe that freedom is everyone’s God given right.  It’s so sad that so many people still live in in physical bondage each day; and far more remain in mental bondage. 

I pray today that all who read this and those who don’t–and especially those who can’t– will open there mind’s up to freedom, and not let anything or anyone take away their dreams and aspirations.  I pray that these people will overcome all fears and start living the life God intended for us all.  ~Amen

 Peace, Love and Light to all, CordieB.