….Continued from the previous post . . . .
The Darker Side of Love Part II ~Written by CordieB ©2008
I have always loved Charna. I knew and loved her since I can remember remembering. I only wished there were a way to break this curse of love and darkness. I consulted with all the masters of the day–the Crown Witches, Warlocks and High Priests–but no one had any answers. The answer, they insisted lie in me. They only gave me riddles. Why is it that they could not break the curse or give me the answer. Perhaps they really had no answers. They had warned me time after time about falling so deeply in love with Charna, again. They had advised me to find a new love; that love was not meant to be passed from life time to life time. It was unnatural for one to return to their humanly body and consort with a past acquaintance. It always caused problems – it was a freak of nature, time and space. Usually, nature corrected itself by casting both together into eternal darkness. That is something I did not want to happen. I would avoid eternal darkness at all costs.
I began to question my own judgment. Was I being selfish for not granting Charna the gift of eternal life and youth on earth? In her past lives she never demanded eternal life as she has this time. Seems each generation becomes wickeder and wickeder. Was I really protecting Charna from the curse, or was I in fact being selfish in my refusal. I could not reveal the Secret of Loving the Undead to Charna as long as she was mortal; to do so would mean eternal damnation and suffering for both of us. The laws were written long ago in order to keep balance between the live and undead. Charna had died naturally in most of her past lives. Tragically, she took her own life the past two lives. Although she was depressed in her past lives, I had never witnessed evil in her. I had never expected thought she’d turn this way; as she had always been so passive. Her evilness and insistence was beginning to effect me. I often prayed that she would become sick, get hit by a car. Of course I knew that I would miss her; but I also knew that she would return to me in another of her lives.
Each time she returned, I promised myself that I would not seek her; I would leave her to live her life in a normal manner, the manner for which the universe had intended. I would love her enough to allow her to find love and give love to a mortal like herself. But my love for her was so strong that each time she was borne again, I would watch her, love her – knowing that I would someday marry her once more.
If I bit her, she would become immortal, but I would be instantly transposed into a mere mortal. I would have to grow old, get sick, and live through all the travesties that mortals have to live through. Although I felt I could do it, I was unsure if Charna could continue to love me if the roles were reversed. Also, although it’s hard admitting to myself, I fear the unknown. I fear death. Does Charna love me to the degree that I would be rematerialized as I love her. Was her love strong enough to bring me back as a mortal many times over as my love is for her. Would she be able to keep the secret from me, as I have kept it from her through many life times, in order that we not be cast into eternal damnation?
I never had to make these decisions in her past lives. She never had insisted on being bitten. But this time around, Charna became obsessed with youth, glamour, and immortality. I could not help but notice that most humans in general have become obsessed with immorality. I, on the other hand, never had to give it much thought. I have forever been immortal, so to think about immortality for me has never been an issue. That is until now. Now that I feel I must make a choice in order to ensure that Charna is happy. I hate to see her misery. It in itself is like eternal damnation.
Perhaps I should not have introduced her to the underworld crowd. But, I remembered how sad and alone she felt in past lives because she had no one to share our secret life with. I thought that by her having the ability to meet and talk with those of the underworld about our life, to have friends who understood. . . . people she could relate to . . . she would not fall into the deep depression, and madness she always fell into in her past lives.
I felt I had all the answers this time. But, I’ve unfortunately manifested a monster. The world has changed so much sense Charna’s last manifestation, or has it always been this way? Things started changing in the late 60’s. That’s the first time that Charna’s demise resulted from self destruction. All demises before the 60’s resulted from illness or accidents. The 60’s was a time that women were beginning to "find" themselves. The Charna that I had manifested in the past did not fit into this new world. Our secret had to be kept; yet, women were venturing out into the world. She wanted to venture out too. It depressed her to not be able to share our experiences with her mortal friends. Before, she had been happy with it just being us. I took care of her. We had each other; that’s all we needed. But the 60s brought on new complications for me. . . for us. Woman were insisting on speaking their minds; including Charna. Her frustration on my insistence on her not mingling or confiding with her friends and my desire to keep her all to myself eventually lead to her depression. Those friends that she did confine with thought her to be mad-insane. Her own family insisted that she was insane or on one of the new drugs of the century for believing she was married to a vamp. Shamefully, I in my selfishness back then never told them anything different. I was not man or immortal enough to defend her back then. I was an immature vamp then. I learned the hard way that I could not control Charna.
I thought I had the surest answer this time around. I would introduce her to the other side. This way, she would have others to relate to. It would be perfect. Perhaps I was wrong.
To be continued. . .