Looking in the Mirror

Spiritual Revelations for those seeking Humanity in Humans ~~CordieB.

Archive for lost

The Grief Process

This was very hard to write for me; as there is no greater loss that I can imagine than that of the loss of a child. Yet it happens; more often than we want to admit . . .So often people guilty because they are told they must move on . . . yet healing requires grief and time. Those who intend to bring comfort must understand these cycles too. So I write this for anyone who may be going through such despair. . . and I pray that you find joy one sweet day. . .

 
There are five stages of grief; and most people experience grief in the order stated below. . .

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance

Grief’s Cycle …By CordieB

I don’t believe what’s happening;

Surely this can not be real

I’ll awaken from this nightmare soon

I’ll see, I’ll touch, I’ll feel . . .

your loving eyes; your tender heart

You..are still here! No!

We are not apart!

Oh God why did you take my love….

Such a loving soul was he

If you were such a loving God

Why allow such tragedy?

This world is filled with such despair

What does it mean, who really cares?

There are no answers to eternity

If only you would just take me…

instead; I’d rather be the one –

Please take me God, release my son…

Just leave me be. . . let me be free

Into my solo destiny

Alone ..through misty haze I see – and want to be

No desire to communicate –

I’ve lost my will; such is my fate…

Why is it that he had to die?

I plead, I beg, I must know why…

My heart’s so cold; ice cycled blood I cry . . .

Such agony; I hate- despise…

I can not pray . . my heart still cries

I can’t imagine going on . . .

without my loving, caring son . . .

Time passes by; seems like a distant dream

I cry sometimes….

yes, with time …the sadness weans

and with each day as life goes on…

Your love; it helps me carry on

I miss you still, so much – yet I fear

I’ll lose your vision through the years. . .

Yet memories remain so rich and clear

I feel your love down in my soul

Memories bring me comfort; love keeps me whole

My God holds me each day, each hour

So wondrous is God’s healing power

I don’t have answers to this life . . .

Yet live I must, through peace or strife

as death’s essential to all life

And though I do not understand

I see a glimpse of life again

And I feel so blessed to be the one…

you chose to be your mother, Son.

~Written for Valeria Harrison, Mother of Jamal, for which I wrote an article recently, entitled Lessons from the Hood – Perhaps you can find it; I’m tired ."   Valeria read that post . . . and commented. . . .let us keep her in our prayers and pray that men will lay their weapons down!

The Darker Side of Love ~Part II

 

….Continued from the previous post . . . .

Island ~CordieB

Island ~CordieB

The Darker Side of Love Part II  ~Written by CordieB ©2008

I have always loved Charna. I knew and loved her since I can remember remembering. I only wished there were a way to break this curse of love and darkness. I consulted with all the masters of the day–the Crown Witches, Warlocks and High Priests–but no one had any answers. The answer, they insisted lie in me. They only gave me riddles. Why is it that they could not break the curse or give me the answer. Perhaps they really had no answers. They had warned me time after time about falling so deeply in love with Charna, again. They had advised me to find a new love; that love was not meant to be passed from life time to life time. It was unnatural for one to return to their humanly body and consort with a past acquaintance. It always caused problems – it was a freak of nature, time and space. Usually, nature corrected itself by casting both together into eternal darkness. That is something I did not want to happen. I would avoid eternal darkness at all costs.

I began to question my own judgment. Was I being selfish for not granting Charna the gift of eternal life and youth on earth? In her past lives she never demanded eternal life as she has this time. Seems each generation becomes wickeder and wickeder. Was I really protecting Charna from the curse, or was I in fact being selfish in my refusal. I could not reveal the Secret of Loving the Undead to Charna as long as she was mortal; to do so would mean eternal damnation and suffering for both of us. The laws were written long ago in order to keep balance between the live and undead. Charna had died naturally in most of her past lives. Tragically, she took her own life the past two lives. Although she was depressed in her past lives, I had never witnessed evil in her. I had never expected thought she’d turn this way; as she had always been so passive. Her evilness and insistence was beginning to effect me. I often prayed that she would become sick, get hit by a car. Of course I knew that I would miss her; but I also knew that she would return to me in another of her lives.

Each time she returned, I promised myself that I would not seek her; I would leave her to live her life in a normal manner, the manner for which the universe had intended. I would love her enough to allow her to find love and give love to a mortal like herself. But my love for her was so strong that each time she was borne again, I would watch her, love her – knowing that I would someday marry her once more.

If I bit her, she would become immortal, but I would be instantly transposed into a mere mortal. I would have to grow old, get sick, and live through all the travesties that mortals have to live through. Although I felt I could do it, I was unsure if Charna could continue to love me if the roles were reversed. Also, although it’s hard admitting to myself, I fear the unknown. I fear death. Does Charna love me to the degree that I would be rematerialized as I love her. Was her love strong enough to bring me back as a mortal many times over as my love is for her. Would she be able to keep the secret from me, as I have kept it from her through many life times, in order that we not be cast into eternal damnation?

I never had to make these decisions in her past lives. She never had insisted on being bitten. But this time around, Charna became obsessed with youth, glamour, and immortality. I could not help but notice that most humans in general have become obsessed with immorality. I, on the other hand, never had to give it much thought. I have forever been immortal, so to think about immortality for me has never been an issue. That is until now. Now that I feel I must make a choice in order to ensure that Charna is happy. I hate to see her misery. It in itself is like eternal damnation.

Perhaps I should not have introduced her to the underworld crowd. But, I remembered how sad and alone she felt in past lives because she had no one to share our secret life with. I thought that by her having the ability to meet and talk with those of the underworld about our life, to have friends who understood. . . . people she could relate to . . . she would not fall into the deep depression, and madness she always fell into in her past lives.

I felt I had all the answers this time. But, I’ve unfortunately manifested a monster. The world has changed so much sense Charna’s last manifestation, or has it always been this way? Things started changing in the late 60’s. That’s the first time that Charna’s demise resulted from self destruction. All demises before the 60’s resulted from illness or accidents. The 60’s was a time that women were beginning to "find" themselves. The Charna that I had manifested in the past did not fit into this new world. Our secret had to be kept; yet, women were venturing out into the world. She wanted to venture out too. It depressed her to not be able to share our experiences with her mortal friends. Before, she had been happy with it just being us. I took care of her. We had each other; that’s all we needed. But the 60s brought on new complications for me. . . for us. Woman were insisting on speaking their minds; including Charna. Her frustration on my insistence on her not mingling or confiding with her friends and my desire to keep her all to myself eventually lead to her depression. Those friends that she did confine with thought her to be mad-insane. Her own family insisted that she was insane or on one of the new drugs of the century for believing she was married to a vamp. Shamefully, I in my selfishness back then never told them anything different. I was not man or immortal enough to defend her back then. I was an immature vamp then. I learned the hard way that I could not control Charna.

I thought I had the surest answer this time around. I would introduce her to the other side. This way, she would have others to relate to. It would be perfect. Perhaps I was wrong.

To be continued. . .

A Spiritual Riddle – I Sometimes Guide you on your Journey . . .

 

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I’ve guided multitudes of earthly beings through many dark nights

I’ve been a beacon of hope for many a man lost in his flight

Although I’m quite illuminous, I have absolutely no light energy alone . . .

I’m blessed by the light of my brethren to co-create life from cold stone

As long as my universal family shines, then I shall shine too . . .

And I, in-turn, humbly reflect that ambiance of light unto you.

So I can aide you in finding your way from the lost journey afar

And  thus, you might illuminate another who may not know whom or where they are.

Like many, I sometimes have dreary days and nights when I feel so alone,

When I’m blocked from my light source by dark storm clouds of energy unknown.

I realise it’s all an illusion, for my light soure remains true, bright and clear

But when you’re lost in dark pastures, tis hard to let go the false fear.

So in today’s midnight, I remind you even a blind man can see the light bright,

For they are not blinded by false perceptions of absense of love’s light.

You see, the blind see beauty in realness . . . and truth without lies . . .

They don’t look for false answers in the suns, moons or skies . . .

They feel warmth in kindness, compassion and love . . .

In darkness, they are guided by inner awareness, not from detachments thereof;

They love, hate or feel indifference to us for ourselves in the mist of life’s rugged race . . .

They most brilliantly  see the love in our hearts–in spite of our physical face!

Visionless, they see the hatred in our hearts, in spite of physical beauty

Like a blind child or man, we should all stress to make it our duty . . .

To look into the true hearts of children, women, and men . . .

See all people as they really are, not pre-judge by their hair, face or skin.

But you needn’t close your eyes to see the light . . .

You can have 20/20 vision and still use your insight . . .

If you’ve accepted and embraced the blessing of inner vision and true clarity

Then you understand, I once was lost but now I’m found; was blind but now I see.

But alas, I will guide you in your journey, it won’t be too late or too soon . . .

I’m a luminous guide in life’s dark forrest, I am simply . . . . (click below for answer)

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