Looking in the Mirror

Spiritual Revelations for those seeking Humanity in Humans ~~CordieB.

Archive for The Darker Side of Love

The Darker Side of Love ~Part II


….Continued from the previous post . . . .

Island ~CordieB

Island ~CordieB

The Darker Side of Love Part II  ~Written by CordieB ©2008

I have always loved Charna. I knew and loved her since I can remember remembering. I only wished there were a way to break this curse of love and darkness. I consulted with all the masters of the day–the Crown Witches, Warlocks and High Priests–but no one had any answers. The answer, they insisted lie in me. They only gave me riddles. Why is it that they could not break the curse or give me the answer. Perhaps they really had no answers. They had warned me time after time about falling so deeply in love with Charna, again. They had advised me to find a new love; that love was not meant to be passed from life time to life time. It was unnatural for one to return to their humanly body and consort with a past acquaintance. It always caused problems – it was a freak of nature, time and space. Usually, nature corrected itself by casting both together into eternal darkness. That is something I did not want to happen. I would avoid eternal darkness at all costs.

I began to question my own judgment. Was I being selfish for not granting Charna the gift of eternal life and youth on earth? In her past lives she never demanded eternal life as she has this time. Seems each generation becomes wickeder and wickeder. Was I really protecting Charna from the curse, or was I in fact being selfish in my refusal. I could not reveal the Secret of Loving the Undead to Charna as long as she was mortal; to do so would mean eternal damnation and suffering for both of us. The laws were written long ago in order to keep balance between the live and undead. Charna had died naturally in most of her past lives. Tragically, she took her own life the past two lives. Although she was depressed in her past lives, I had never witnessed evil in her. I had never expected thought she’d turn this way; as she had always been so passive. Her evilness and insistence was beginning to effect me. I often prayed that she would become sick, get hit by a car. Of course I knew that I would miss her; but I also knew that she would return to me in another of her lives.

Each time she returned, I promised myself that I would not seek her; I would leave her to live her life in a normal manner, the manner for which the universe had intended. I would love her enough to allow her to find love and give love to a mortal like herself. But my love for her was so strong that each time she was borne again, I would watch her, love her – knowing that I would someday marry her once more.

If I bit her, she would become immortal, but I would be instantly transposed into a mere mortal. I would have to grow old, get sick, and live through all the travesties that mortals have to live through. Although I felt I could do it, I was unsure if Charna could continue to love me if the roles were reversed. Also, although it’s hard admitting to myself, I fear the unknown. I fear death. Does Charna love me to the degree that I would be rematerialized as I love her. Was her love strong enough to bring me back as a mortal many times over as my love is for her. Would she be able to keep the secret from me, as I have kept it from her through many life times, in order that we not be cast into eternal damnation?

I never had to make these decisions in her past lives. She never had insisted on being bitten. But this time around, Charna became obsessed with youth, glamour, and immortality. I could not help but notice that most humans in general have become obsessed with immorality. I, on the other hand, never had to give it much thought. I have forever been immortal, so to think about immortality for me has never been an issue. That is until now. Now that I feel I must make a choice in order to ensure that Charna is happy. I hate to see her misery. It in itself is like eternal damnation.

Perhaps I should not have introduced her to the underworld crowd. But, I remembered how sad and alone she felt in past lives because she had no one to share our secret life with. I thought that by her having the ability to meet and talk with those of the underworld about our life, to have friends who understood. . . . people she could relate to . . . she would not fall into the deep depression, and madness she always fell into in her past lives.

I felt I had all the answers this time. But, I’ve unfortunately manifested a monster. The world has changed so much sense Charna’s last manifestation, or has it always been this way? Things started changing in the late 60’s. That’s the first time that Charna’s demise resulted from self destruction. All demises before the 60’s resulted from illness or accidents. The 60’s was a time that women were beginning to "find" themselves. The Charna that I had manifested in the past did not fit into this new world. Our secret had to be kept; yet, women were venturing out into the world. She wanted to venture out too. It depressed her to not be able to share our experiences with her mortal friends. Before, she had been happy with it just being us. I took care of her. We had each other; that’s all we needed. But the 60s brought on new complications for me. . . for us. Woman were insisting on speaking their minds; including Charna. Her frustration on my insistence on her not mingling or confiding with her friends and my desire to keep her all to myself eventually lead to her depression. Those friends that she did confine with thought her to be mad-insane. Her own family insisted that she was insane or on one of the new drugs of the century for believing she was married to a vamp. Shamefully, I in my selfishness back then never told them anything different. I was not man or immortal enough to defend her back then. I was an immature vamp then. I learned the hard way that I could not control Charna.

I thought I had the surest answer this time around. I would introduce her to the other side. This way, she would have others to relate to. It would be perfect. Perhaps I was wrong.

To be continued. . .

The Darker Side of Love ~Part I

Blue Heaven Michelle, By CordieB

Blue Heaven Michelle, By CordieB

This is part 1 of a short story that I am writing.  As I am making this stuff up as I go, I have no clue what the end will bring.  Since it is to be a short story and it is a gift to all of you for Hallows Eve. . . I promise to conclude it by Midnight Halloween – that is if the globlins don’t get me before then.   Hope you like the beginning  . . . Blessings to all.

The Darker Side of Love Part I  ~Written by CordieB ©2008

I stared out of the window of my second floor duplex – going back in time to when I first met Orph. Time had passed so fast . . . so much had occurred. I had met him soon after my divorce 19 years back, while pretending to browse through books at the local library. My mom had warned me to not jump into a relationship so fast, but his charisma and mystery literally swept me off my feet.

I was suffering from loneliness and an extreme case of low self esteem. I had told myself that I would never get into another relationship again – I would concentrate on my non existent career and education. I would write a book, join a poetry club . . . there were so many things I planned with my new found freedom. But as always, my plans were only grandeur dreams. I would visit the library just to have some place to go – to watch people who appeared safe and, above else, distant. My self esteem was so low after the divorce that I could not bear to converse and socialize with friends or family. I had slowly crawled into a shell of which, although I wanted out . . . could not muster the energy or courage to do so.

I had seen him many times before in the library. I had envisioned us being lovers, walking through parks . . . making love in dark unknown places. But my protective shell was so dense, I had not the ability to strike up the courage to even look at him for more than a few seconds; yet alone speak to him.

I had seen him when he first walked in the library. He wore all black, including a black trench and a black brim hat. He would always sit his hat on the same table each time he came into the library. He always searched in the mystic section of books.

I usually stayed in research – but at times I would venture into the mystic section; today was one of those days. I saw him from the corner of my eyes. He was coming down the aisle I was on. I quickly grasped a book from the shelf and began pretending to read it. I felt his shadow behind me. Oh my goodness, he had stopped right behind me and was no more than an inch away from my back, my behind. He leaned over my shoulder, softly pressing his chest to my back, and whispered into my ears . . . very lowly and sensually, "I am Orpheus, follow me." I could feel his warm breath on my neck. I felt like I was about to melt, yet I stood motionless for at least 15 seconds. I turned around only to see him walking slowly, yet swiftly out of the library, brim in tow. . .

There was an essence about him . . . like a trail of opiated smoke, that made me follow him that fateful evening. I was more than willing to accept whatever consequences came from following this dark, strikingly mesmerizing, stranger. In fact, no matter what I told myself, I could not help my self. He was like a mysterious magnet, and I metal fragments unable to withstand the magnetism.

Orpheus continued walking down the dark sidewalk. Although he never looked back, I knew he knew I was behind him. He continued to walk at a slow to medium pace – assuring that he would remain in my view. Finally, he turned into an old abandoned looking mansion that looked like it could have been used for the Adam’s Family or the Munster’s. As I came upon the spooky mass building, I hesitated about going in.
Finally, I was beginning to regain my senses. What on earth was I doing? Here I was following a strange man, whom I’d never officially met, named, of all the crazy names, Orpheus—or so he says. I stood outside of the fence and looked up at the huge window facing the street – not knowing whether to hurry and walk back or to go into the mansion. I sat there for what seemed like hours, unable to move either way. Finally, Orpheus came to the window and motioned me inside. It was the beginning of a love affair that most only experience in fiction. . . .

Orpheus made love to me in one of the many rooms of the abandoned mansion before even speaking another word to me. I could not believe I was making love to a total stranger – named Orpheus. The passion within me was overwhelming. He touched and caressed me in a manner which I’d never experienced my entire life. After hours of making love, Orpheus finally laid still, pulling me close to him.

He whispered "I want you forever, will you marry me."

"Marry, you; I don’t even know you. You don’t even know my name."

"I’ve already given you a name. I named you long ago. Your name is Charna, eternal lover of Orpheus."

I begin to laugh. I felt as though I had known Orph all of my life. I begin to call him Orph for short . . . it was like a feeling of familiarity I had never experienced with any other man. I knew at that time that I would love him forever; although I didn’t know anything about him, really.

"Charna is a very lovely name. I wish my mom would have named me Charna for real."

Orph sat up and stared into my eyes, holding my hand. "And so, Charna it is and you shall be my wife." We shall marry at the first full moon at the river of No Trespassing.

"Where is the River of No Trespassing?" I enquired.

"Orph laughed. It’s part of the James River Park, there is a sign at the entry which reads "No Trespassing after Dark."

"Ahh . . ." I giggle. "That’s cute."

I looked into his piercing dark eyes, knowing in my mind, that yes, I would marry him, although I knew it was crazy, I could not refuse anything Orph asked. It was a strange feeling. I was possessed.

Little did I know that fateful evening that I had been lured by Orpheus, Lord of the Night, and had become enchanted by his aurora. As time passed, Orph introduced me to all his night friends – those who lived a dark life as he did. I was introduced to wizards, witches, fairies and of course vamps. Soon before we wed, Orph confessed to me that he was a vamp, although I had suspected so much. I asked very few questions when we first met, as I was blindly charmed by his presence. Anything he told me would have been just fine; it would not have mattered.

Orph promised me that he would never bite me. He loved me beyond anyone he had experienced in all his 189 years on earth. He did not want to curse me with eternal earthly dwelling. I personally had thought it to be a blessing to be able to live eternally and everyone I knew other than the other vamps searched for eternal youth. However, Orph insisted that with every blessing there is a curse. "The bigger the blessing, the bigger he curse," he would often say.

My mother didn’t know that Orph was a vamp; but she was mesmerized with his presence, as were all of my family and friends. Everyone was curious as to what Orph did for a living. We decided it best to tell everyone that Orph was a manager for a local fast food store than to go into details of how he had survived for over 180 years.

In the beginning years, the fun and excitement of living the vamp life was cool. I would work during the day; while he of course slept. In the night we’d have wild parties in the seemingly abandoned house that came to life magically each night. Witches, warlocks and vamps from all over town would come each evening to party, drink and be merry. Orph had friends who worked in local blood banks who provided enough blood to all the vamps to enable them not to kill for survival, at least not on a regular basis.

As time passed, I became increasingly self conscious about my aging process, as Orph remained trapped in time and eternally youthful. I didn’t feel like the youthful young woman whom had met Orph that fateful evening some 20 odd years ago. Orph insisted that my beauty was ageless and that he loved me more each day. Yet, as his group of underworld friends continued the saga of underworld partying, enriched with sex and youth – and I was noticeably aging, in more ways than one – I became extremely bitter, detached and even perhaps evil; yes evil is what I was slowing descending to.

I insisted Orph bite me, as I was aging at what seemed to me as rapid speed. I wanted what youth I still possessed to be encapsulated. However, Orph refused my request. He insisted that I remain mortal; that it was the only way. I did not understand his selfishness. I had planned to even have an affair with one of his vamp friends . . . just so that I could be bitten. . . .

Continuation – Part II