Looking in the Mirror

Spiritual Revelations for those seeking Humanity in Humans ~~CordieB.

Archive for mothers

If I had it to do all again. . .

 regrets
Art entitled "Regrets" courtesy of marmota, and is shared under a creative commons licence.
The following poem was inspired by Sunday Scribblings  , writing prompt # 148,  on regret.   "Got any? Things you wish you’d done differently? Things you wish you’d said or not said? Things you want to be sure to do and say now so that you don’t end up with regrets?"

Eternal Regret -I Forgive Myself; but Can’t Forget~By CordieB  

I’ve lived a lifetime of one regret

that’s dimmed with passing time; still yet

love and conscious won’t allow me to forget

 

And so I often trick my mind

to place sordid memories far behind

still… regret creeps in from time to time …

 

And then sometimes I even pretend

that day had actually not transcended

Imagine . . . starting anew again !!!

 

but reality knocks with raging force

thus I am left with grave remorse

perhaps that day changed my life’s course??

 

forever regretful, my heart still aches

but my God can NOT make mistakes

I convince myself for sanity’s sake

 

And so what IS, IS. What’s meant shall be

and that’s my whole tricked reality . . .

My life’s anchor through soul’s eternity  . . .

Regret’s but a piece of life that’s made me, me . . .

~Written in memory of my dear mother, Marion Wallace, who died of a massive heart attack when I was 15, shortly after we’d had a terrible argument and I had left the house.   I miss you, ma. 

~~CordieB.  

"Quote:  Imagine, in the midst of a heated argument, that the person you are arguing with suddenly clutches his/her heart, utters a cry, and falls dead at your feet. Where is your anger now?"  ~Unknown

The Grief Process

This was very hard to write for me; as there is no greater loss that I can imagine than that of the loss of a child. Yet it happens; more often than we want to admit . . .So often people guilty because they are told they must move on . . . yet healing requires grief and time. Those who intend to bring comfort must understand these cycles too. So I write this for anyone who may be going through such despair. . . and I pray that you find joy one sweet day. . .

 
There are five stages of grief; and most people experience grief in the order stated below. . .

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance

Grief’s Cycle …By CordieB

I don’t believe what’s happening;

Surely this can not be real

I’ll awaken from this nightmare soon

I’ll see, I’ll touch, I’ll feel . . .

your loving eyes; your tender heart

You..are still here! No!

We are not apart!

Oh God why did you take my love….

Such a loving soul was he

If you were such a loving God

Why allow such tragedy?

This world is filled with such despair

What does it mean, who really cares?

There are no answers to eternity

If only you would just take me…

instead; I’d rather be the one –

Please take me God, release my son…

Just leave me be. . . let me be free

Into my solo destiny

Alone ..through misty haze I see – and want to be

No desire to communicate –

I’ve lost my will; such is my fate…

Why is it that he had to die?

I plead, I beg, I must know why…

My heart’s so cold; ice cycled blood I cry . . .

Such agony; I hate- despise…

I can not pray . . my heart still cries

I can’t imagine going on . . .

without my loving, caring son . . .

Time passes by; seems like a distant dream

I cry sometimes….

yes, with time …the sadness weans

and with each day as life goes on…

Your love; it helps me carry on

I miss you still, so much – yet I fear

I’ll lose your vision through the years. . .

Yet memories remain so rich and clear

I feel your love down in my soul

Memories bring me comfort; love keeps me whole

My God holds me each day, each hour

So wondrous is God’s healing power

I don’t have answers to this life . . .

Yet live I must, through peace or strife

as death’s essential to all life

And though I do not understand

I see a glimpse of life again

And I feel so blessed to be the one…

you chose to be your mother, Son.

~Written for Valeria Harrison, Mother of Jamal, for which I wrote an article recently, entitled Lessons from the Hood – Perhaps you can find it; I’m tired ."   Valeria read that post . . . and commented. . . .let us keep her in our prayers and pray that men will lay their weapons down!

Grandma’s Hands-Bill Whithers

Grandma’s hands
Clapped in church on Sunday morning
Grandma’s hands
Played a tambourine so well
Grandma’s hands
Used to issue out a warning
She’d say, Billy don’t you run so fast
Might fall on a piece of glass
Might be snakes there in that grass;
Grandma’s hands

Grandma’s hands
Soothed a local unwed mother
Grandma’s hands
Used to ache sometimes and swell
Grandma’s hands
Used to lift her face and tell her,
Baby, Grandma understands
That you really love that man
Put yourself in Jesus hands
Grandma’s hands

Grandma’s hands
Used to hand me piece of candy
Grandma’s hands
Picked me up each time I fell
Grandma’s hands
Boy, they really came in handy
She’d say, Matty don’t you whip that boy
What you want to spank him for?
He didn’ drop no apple core;
But I don’t have Grandma anymore

If I get to Heaven I’ll look for
Grandma’s hands

~Bill Whithers