Looking in the Mirror

Spiritual Revelations for those seeking Humanity in Humans ~~CordieB.

Archive for funny

Freaky, Funny Friday . . .

Good afternoon to all you beautiful people!  I just want to say thanks for reading and commenting on my life poetry lately; I know it can be a downer at times; so I appreciate you guys bearing with me as I begin to remove bandages off some old wounds so they can be exposed  to the sunlight to dry out, scab over, and completely heal.  I want to thank all of you for that, but especially Paisley at Why Paisley  and Just Paisley , for if not her for her revealing of truths, I may have continued bandaging these wounds, never allowing them to air.  Anywho . . . enough of that for now.  For your kindness and your love I wanted to send you off with a freaky, funny weekend – so I hope this one has you in stiches and lifts your beautiful spirits!  Read on . . . Have a freaky funny weekend!

SIPPING VODKA

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass, he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, ‘When I am worried about getting nervous at the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.’

So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the ‘Big T.’

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, ‘Take this and eat it for it is my body.’ He did not say ‘Eat me’.

12) The Virgin Mary is not called ‘Mary with the
Cherry’.

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not:
Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.

Received this from my friend Roy Bowers – thanks for the laughs Roy!

Photo Friday – Diptychs or Triptychs

Diptychs ( or Triptychs if you prefer to use 3 images) chosen by Author

(Diptychs – two is better than one! Tell a story in just two frames. Get creative. Think in pairs! The aim of diptychs / triptychs is to make an interaction between two / three photos in such a way that the whole work has a greater value than its components).

I must admit, I had no idea of the meanings of these words; My vocabulary has increased since I’ve started Photo-Friday-ing.  I had planned on taking pictures of my son’s biceps; as I just knew the term had something to do with muscles.  I’m glad I went back to Author’s blog to get the definition; else I would have been madly embarrased if I had displayed pictures of Samuel’s physique.  So, here’s my Triptychs for this week’s Photo Friday!   To see this in full view, check out my photo blog at http://cordiebpics.wordpress.com

One Dring

One Drink – to loosen up a bit

A Few Drinks – the Life of the Party

A few too many . . . Oh well.

 

Please click on these links to see everyone eles’s beautiful photo’s displaying “Diptychs or Triptychs

Curious State of Affairs

Tall Chick Tales

blahblahblog

Just for fun

Curious C

 

 

photofriday.gif

To join in on the fun, click on the pink Photo Friday box above.

Have a Happy Friday. 

Twelve Days of Christmas

The Twelve Days of Christmas
The Twelve Days of Christmas is probably the most misunderstood part of the church year among Christians who are not part of liturgical church traditions. Contrary to much popular belief, these are not the twelve days before Christmas, but in most of the Western Church are the twelve days from Christmas until the beginning of Epiphany  (January 6th; the 12 days count from December 25th until January 5th). In some traditions, the first day of Christmas begins on the evening of December 25th with the following day considered the First Day of Christmas (December 26th). In these traditions, the twelve days begin December 26 and include Epiphany on January 6.

For more information on this tradition, visit http://www.cresourcei.org/cy12days.html

Last year my brother (Mr. Romantic) sent his girl friend (at that time) a traditional gift, based on the origin of the Twelve Gifts of Christmas.  Following is the replies to each of the 12 gifts: For sake of privacy, the names and addresed have been omitted.

 Miss Sara Truelove
Somewhere, USA

December 26

Dearest Bill:
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a wonderful thoughtful gift! I couldn’t have been more surprised.

With deepest Love and Devotion,

Sara
——————————————————————————–
 Miss Sara Truelove
Somewhere, USA

December 27

Dearest Bill:
Today the postman brought your most wonderful gift. Just imagine – two turtle doves! I’m delighted at your very sweet gift. They are just adorable. I will have to get a cage for them.

With deepest Love,

Sara
——————————————————————————–
 Miss Sara Truelove
Somewhere, USA

December 28

Dearest Bill:
Oh! Your third gift arrived! You really went too far, I think. I don’t deserve such generosity – three French hens. They are just lovely, but I must protest – you’ve been way too kind.

Love,
Sara
——————————————————————————–
 Miss Sara Truelove
Somewhere, USA

December 29
Dearest Bill:
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now, really, they’re quite nice, but now I have 10 birds and nowhere to put any more….so please, no more birds!! But, thanks.

Affectionately,
Sara
——————————————————————————–
 Miss Sara Truelove
Somewhere, USA

December 30

Dearest Bill:
What a surprise! Another present….and not a bird this time! Wow! Today the postman delivered five golden rings, one for each finger. You’re just too extravagant, but I love it! Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves, but the rings are wonderful…and so quiet!!

All my love,
Sara
——————————————————————————–
 Miss Sara Truelove
Somewhere, USA

December 31

Dear Bill:
When I opened the door there were actually six geese a-laying on my front steps. So you’re back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge! And it was bird poop that they were laying..complete with a large count of coloform bacteria. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining. The police came by with a formal complaint, and I can’t sleep through all the racket. I guess I have my own noise-makers for the new years eve celebration tonight.

Please stop. NO MORE BIRDS!!

Cordially,
Sara
——————————————————————————–
 Miss Sara Truelove
Somewhere, USA

January 1
Bill:

Happy New Year…to some people. It hasn’t been so happy with me. What’s with you and those dumb birds? Seven swans a-swimming. What kind of practical joke is this? There’s bird guana all over the house and they never stop squawking. I could not sleep all night and I’m a nervous wreck. You have gone too far, bird brain. STOP SENDING BIRDS. NO MORE BIRDS!! GOT IT?

Sincerely,
Sara
——————————————————————————–
 Miss Sara Truelove
Somewhere, USA

January 2

OK, WISE GUY:
I think I prefer the birds over this. What am I going to do with eight maids a-milking? It’s not enough with all those birds and eight maids a-milking, but they had to bring their cows. Have you ever smelled a yard full of cow patties? Their piles are all over the lawn, and I can’t move in my own house. Leave me alone. NO MORE OF YOUR “GIFTS”.

Sara
——————————————————————————–
 Miss Sara Truelove
Somewhere, USA

January 3

Hey, Vacuum-for-a-brain:
What are you? Some kind of freak? Now there’s nine ladies dancing…right in the smelly you-know-what and tracking it all over my house. The way they’ve been bickering with the milk maids, I hesitate to even call them ladies. You’ll get yours, buddy.
Sara
——————————————————————————–
 Miss Sara Truelove
Somewhere, USA

January 4

You rotten piece of cow patty:
What’s with the ten lords a-leaping? I have threatened to break their legs so that they can never leap again. All 23 of the birds are dead. They’ve been trampled to death by the leapers, the dancers, and the cows. At least, I don’t have to worry about them any more. However, the cows are mooing all night having gotten diarrhea. My living room is a sewer! The City Commissioner has subpoenaed me to give cause why my house shouldn’t be condemned.

I’m filing a complaint to the police about you!

One who means it.
——————————————————————————–
 Miss Sara Truelove
Somewhere, USA

January 5

Listen, brainless:
Now there’s eleven pipers piping. And they never stop piping…except when they’re chasing those maids or dancing girls. The cows are getting very upset and are sounding worse than the birds ever did. What am I going to do? There is a petition going around to evict me from the neigborhood.

I hope you’re satisfied, you rotten, vicious swine.

Your sworn enemy,
Sara
——————————————————————————–
 Law Offices
Sue, Pillage, and Plunder
1313 Grunge St
Somewhere, USA

January 6

Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve drummers drumming which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Sara Truelove. The damage, of course, was total. She was found beating her head against the wall to the beat of the twelve drums. If you should attempt to reach Miss Truelove at Happy Glen Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

Cordially,
Law Firm of
Sue, Pillage, and Plunder

With all the commercialism attached to Christmas, which often cause added stress and anxiety, I thought I’d start off the 12 Days prior to Christmas with a little humor to lighten your spirits.   Don’t forget what Christmas is all about; and pass on the true meaning to those who may not know.

Love and Peace to You and Your’s throughout the season and beyond.