Looking in the Mirror

Spiritual Revelations for those seeking Humanity in Humans ~~CordieB.

Archive for dispair

Thankful Thursday

After seeing the news today and viewing the awful incident involving George Sodini who shot into a gym, murdering 3 woman and injuring 9 before killing himself, I have decided to begin posting 5 things I am greatful for on Thursdays.  Sometimes in life, it helps to remind ourselves of what we are greatful for, and not put so much thought and reverence into that which we feel we lack.  Expressing gratitude sends out a message to the universe that you are thankful, and you will draw to you that more to be thankful for, like a magnet.   Don’t you give more to those who reflect thanks than those who reflect anguish when you you offer them something???  It’s one of  the basic universal laws!  Misery attracts misery and joy attracts joy!

There are so many things I am thankful for today.   Reflecting back has made me realize some things I feel thankfull for changes each day,  as some things about me change—while other things remain stagnant. I believe we can see how we are growing; what we are knowing, etc. by what are greatful for.

I urge you to list five things in your life for which you are thankful.  You’d be surprized how much this list can tell you about yourself and your frame of mind.

Here’s my five for today:

I am thankful that I have people in my life who expect certain tings of and from me, but truly love me regardless…whether I live up to those expections or not…uncondiionally…and the feelings are mutual.

I am thankful to be gainfully employed and earn enough to take care of myself and my son, and to share with others every now and then too. 🙂

I am especially thankful that my mind is not tormented with anger, resentment, sadness and dispair that I see and read about so often.

I am thankful that my words might calm or inspire one person who may be feeling that anger, resentment, sadness, or dispair today.

I am thankful that I have grown to find enormous joy in the so called “little things” like a red rose, a butterfly, or the wind blowing through my hair. These “little things” are far bigger than anything man has ever created, and I often wonder why they are referred to as little things in the first place; as they are oh so grand!!!

I intended to limit my list to 5, but I have one more that I just have to list…I am thankful for the icecream sandwitch my Gee just brought over ot me!! ooom, yummy…:) 

So, what are you greatful for today? I’d love to know.

Peace, Light and Love. . . Cordieb.

Mine Own Worst Enemy; Mine Own Best Friend

Repost for myself; as mine own worst enemy seems to be creeping in more often, here lately……  Do you battle with your own worst enemy too?  If so, remember your best friend is always there to comfort you.

Thought for The Day:  Have you hugged yourself, today? ~CordieB

This poem was inspired by a very, very good friend and confidant, who often shares with us her own worst enemy and her own best friend over at Just Paisley and Why Paisley .    Also, a fellow artist, TekkieBrek, planted the seed for this poem with his beautiful artwork, shown in reduced size below.

Always by Your Side by TekkieBrek

Always by Your Side by TekkieBrek

Mine own worst enemy and mine own best friend…
an infinate circle of sainthood and sin…
have always been with me; from beginning to end
through good times; through bad times; thick and thin
Both have tugged at my soul since God only knows when. . .

Mine  own worst enemy screams words of hurt and dispair…
then my best friend comes to my aide with comfort and care
she hugs me ever so gently; caresses my soul
whilst mine own worst enemy digs a dark hole
into the core of my  heart creating disbelief
in the beauty of life; thus making it hard to concieve…

a life worth living; a love worth giving…
then mine own best friend again comes along
she kisses my spirit; sings me a beautiful song
of love and joy; bright sunny skies
she reminds me of the falsness of the hurt, pain and lies…
that mine own worst enemy so often spews…
she opens the funny pages in the mist of bad news…

Yes, she awakens my spirit and rocks me to sleep
as I moan, as I tremble, as I lay, as I weep…
She caresses my head; massages my tired, aching feet
Sending mine own worst enemy into a silent retreat. . .
where mine own worst enemy gathers strength for another blow
launching me once more into a wreckless, dispairing low
Yet, I endure with patient vigilence for the love within
to give renewed strength, courage and wisdom to mine own best friend . . .

~Written by CordieB.

The Grief Process

This was very hard to write for me; as there is no greater loss that I can imagine than that of the loss of a child. Yet it happens; more often than we want to admit . . .So often people guilty because they are told they must move on . . . yet healing requires grief and time. Those who intend to bring comfort must understand these cycles too. So I write this for anyone who may be going through such despair. . . and I pray that you find joy one sweet day. . .

 
There are five stages of grief; and most people experience grief in the order stated below. . .

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance

Grief’s Cycle …By CordieB

I don’t believe what’s happening;

Surely this can not be real

I’ll awaken from this nightmare soon

I’ll see, I’ll touch, I’ll feel . . .

your loving eyes; your tender heart

You..are still here! No!

We are not apart!

Oh God why did you take my love….

Such a loving soul was he

If you were such a loving God

Why allow such tragedy?

This world is filled with such despair

What does it mean, who really cares?

There are no answers to eternity

If only you would just take me…

instead; I’d rather be the one –

Please take me God, release my son…

Just leave me be. . . let me be free

Into my solo destiny

Alone ..through misty haze I see – and want to be

No desire to communicate –

I’ve lost my will; such is my fate…

Why is it that he had to die?

I plead, I beg, I must know why…

My heart’s so cold; ice cycled blood I cry . . .

Such agony; I hate- despise…

I can not pray . . my heart still cries

I can’t imagine going on . . .

without my loving, caring son . . .

Time passes by; seems like a distant dream

I cry sometimes….

yes, with time …the sadness weans

and with each day as life goes on…

Your love; it helps me carry on

I miss you still, so much – yet I fear

I’ll lose your vision through the years. . .

Yet memories remain so rich and clear

I feel your love down in my soul

Memories bring me comfort; love keeps me whole

My God holds me each day, each hour

So wondrous is God’s healing power

I don’t have answers to this life . . .

Yet live I must, through peace or strife

as death’s essential to all life

And though I do not understand

I see a glimpse of life again

And I feel so blessed to be the one…

you chose to be your mother, Son.

~Written for Valeria Harrison, Mother of Jamal, for which I wrote an article recently, entitled Lessons from the Hood – Perhaps you can find it; I’m tired ."   Valeria read that post . . . and commented. . . .let us keep her in our prayers and pray that men will lay their weapons down!

The Lesson of Dispair ~By CordieB

 

I’ve had many houses; but lost my home;

Like a drifter; I feel displaced; thus I roam

in the mind of the abyss; I lay my head…

fitting in no where; constantly afraid

of the anger that lies just on the surface…

unknowing of when it might unsurface;

I’ve been a haven for many weary souls

wandering in the nights of bitter cold…

strangers; often kinder than family,

or could it simply be they needed me…

when I could provide warmth and rest–

flying lessons for birds dropped from the nest.

Where are those birds; where have they flown?

In dreams I envision they’ve sustained their own.

I know they flew with love supreme…

like mirrored lights reflected, untamed; unseen

I feel i’m building up a wall of distance, strong!

In my times of need; where have they gone?

Perhaps they’ve barely strength to hold their own?

Resentment builds; yet dissipates…

twas not their plan; simply my fate…

I strain to love; yet can not hate.

I look within for the lesson; What can it be?

Why has good fortune abandoned me?

Whilst satan raises his ugly face

I pray to retain faith, love and grace…

Is this a test of will divine?

I search to God; send me a sign!

Allow not my heart to turn to stone…

from hurts that ache down to the bone.

My light is dimming; draining love thereof…

I never understood a heart that could not love.

Seems a long ago prayer for humility

alas is answered to reveal the cold heart’s reality;

step into the cold shoe; comprehend the rashion

of the souls who lost ability for compassion.

Enough! enough! . . . I must end this madness!

that’s quickly overshadowing joy by darkened sadness

I grasp a candle of hope; I whisper a prayer…

that by grace I pass the lesson of dispair

~By CordieB

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~Pride first, then the crash, but humility is precursor to honor. Proverbs 18:12 (The Message)