Looking in the Mirror

Spiritual Revelations for those seeking Humanity in Humans ~~CordieB.

Archive for Depression

The Grief Process

This was very hard to write for me; as there is no greater loss that I can imagine than that of the loss of a child. Yet it happens; more often than we want to admit . . .So often people guilty because they are told they must move on . . . yet healing requires grief and time. Those who intend to bring comfort must understand these cycles too. So I write this for anyone who may be going through such despair. . . and I pray that you find joy one sweet day. . .

 
There are five stages of grief; and most people experience grief in the order stated below. . .

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance

Grief’s Cycle …By CordieB

I don’t believe what’s happening;

Surely this can not be real

I’ll awaken from this nightmare soon

I’ll see, I’ll touch, I’ll feel . . .

your loving eyes; your tender heart

You..are still here! No!

We are not apart!

Oh God why did you take my love….

Such a loving soul was he

If you were such a loving God

Why allow such tragedy?

This world is filled with such despair

What does it mean, who really cares?

There are no answers to eternity

If only you would just take me…

instead; I’d rather be the one –

Please take me God, release my son…

Just leave me be. . . let me be free

Into my solo destiny

Alone ..through misty haze I see – and want to be

No desire to communicate –

I’ve lost my will; such is my fate…

Why is it that he had to die?

I plead, I beg, I must know why…

My heart’s so cold; ice cycled blood I cry . . .

Such agony; I hate- despise…

I can not pray . . my heart still cries

I can’t imagine going on . . .

without my loving, caring son . . .

Time passes by; seems like a distant dream

I cry sometimes….

yes, with time …the sadness weans

and with each day as life goes on…

Your love; it helps me carry on

I miss you still, so much – yet I fear

I’ll lose your vision through the years. . .

Yet memories remain so rich and clear

I feel your love down in my soul

Memories bring me comfort; love keeps me whole

My God holds me each day, each hour

So wondrous is God’s healing power

I don’t have answers to this life . . .

Yet live I must, through peace or strife

as death’s essential to all life

And though I do not understand

I see a glimpse of life again

And I feel so blessed to be the one…

you chose to be your mother, Son.

~Written for Valeria Harrison, Mother of Jamal, for which I wrote an article recently, entitled Lessons from the Hood – Perhaps you can find it; I’m tired ."   Valeria read that post . . . and commented. . . .let us keep her in our prayers and pray that men will lay their weapons down!

The Lesson of Dispair ~By CordieB

 

I’ve had many houses; but lost my home;

Like a drifter; I feel displaced; thus I roam

in the mind of the abyss; I lay my head…

fitting in no where; constantly afraid

of the anger that lies just on the surface…

unknowing of when it might unsurface;

I’ve been a haven for many weary souls

wandering in the nights of bitter cold…

strangers; often kinder than family,

or could it simply be they needed me…

when I could provide warmth and rest–

flying lessons for birds dropped from the nest.

Where are those birds; where have they flown?

In dreams I envision they’ve sustained their own.

I know they flew with love supreme…

like mirrored lights reflected, untamed; unseen

I feel i’m building up a wall of distance, strong!

In my times of need; where have they gone?

Perhaps they’ve barely strength to hold their own?

Resentment builds; yet dissipates…

twas not their plan; simply my fate…

I strain to love; yet can not hate.

I look within for the lesson; What can it be?

Why has good fortune abandoned me?

Whilst satan raises his ugly face

I pray to retain faith, love and grace…

Is this a test of will divine?

I search to God; send me a sign!

Allow not my heart to turn to stone…

from hurts that ache down to the bone.

My light is dimming; draining love thereof…

I never understood a heart that could not love.

Seems a long ago prayer for humility

alas is answered to reveal the cold heart’s reality;

step into the cold shoe; comprehend the rashion

of the souls who lost ability for compassion.

Enough! enough! . . . I must end this madness!

that’s quickly overshadowing joy by darkened sadness

I grasp a candle of hope; I whisper a prayer…

that by grace I pass the lesson of dispair

~By CordieB

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~Pride first, then the crash, but humility is precursor to honor. Proverbs 18:12 (The Message)

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

Now beside my bed I Kneel
I Pray the Lord My Soul to Heal
If God can take away this pain
I vow to love myself again

Now beside my bed I cry
My soul is heavy; I know not why
for whatever mistakes I may have made
My burdens have long ago been paid

I will Will my heart again
to love freely; even through pain
I will Will my heart again
to sing again in gentle rains

I will Will my mind again
to accept love from which it flows
to love myself unconditionally
What’s of tomorrow; no one knows

Now I lay me down to sleep
Although I cry; and though I weep
I’m thankful that should I awake
New beginnings arise with dawn’s day break

~By CordieB
I was inspired to write this poem after reading a poem written by Paisley , entitled depression’s prayer .  I’m happy to know all is well with her – as time heals all wounds.

Peace, Light and Love, CordieB.

Get it Together

This one’s dedicated to my regular blog friends.  You know who you are.  For the past few weeks, I think we all have been somewhat “going through something.”  I feel compelled to share this special song with you.  So, let our hearts and minds continue to heal.  Peace, Light and Love, Cordieb. 

One shot to your heart without breaking your skin
No one has the power to hurt you like your kin
Kept it inside, didn’t tell no one else
Didn’t even wanna admit it to yourself
And now your chest burns and your back aches
From 15 years of holding the pain
And now you only have yourself to blame
If you continue to live this way

[Chorus:]
Get it together
You wanna heal your body?
Get it together
You have to heal your heart
Whatsoever you sow you will reap
Get it together

You can fly fly

Dark future ahead of me
That’s what they said
I’d be starving if I ate all the lies they fed
Cause I’ve been redeemed from your anguish and pain
A miracle child I’m floating on a cloud
Cause the words that come from your mouth
You’re the first to hear
Speak words of beauty and you will be there
No matter what anybody says
What matters most is what you think of yourself

[Chorus]

The choice is yours
No matter what it is
To choose life is to choose to forgive
You don’t have to try
or hurt him and break his pride
Just shake that weight off
And you’ll be ready to fly

One shot to your heart without breaking your skin
No one has the power to hurt you like your friends
Thought it would never change but as time moved on
That ugly duckling grew up to be a swan
And now your chest burns and your back aches
Because now the years are showing up on your face
But you’ll never be happy
And you’ll never be whole
Until you see the beauty in growing old
[Chorus]
[chorus]
you can fly fly fly fly…
you can live or you can die
you know that life is a choice you make
you can give or you can take

you can fly fly fly fly
you can fly fly fly fly…