Looking in the Mirror

Spiritual Revelations for those seeking Humanity in Humans ~~CordieB.

If I had it to do all again. . .

 regrets
Art entitled "Regrets" courtesy of marmota, and is shared under a creative commons licence.
The following poem was inspired by Sunday Scribblings  , writing prompt # 148,  on regret.   "Got any? Things you wish you’d done differently? Things you wish you’d said or not said? Things you want to be sure to do and say now so that you don’t end up with regrets?"

Eternal Regret -I Forgive Myself; but Can’t Forget~By CordieB  

I’ve lived a lifetime of one regret

that’s dimmed with passing time; still yet

love and conscious won’t allow me to forget

 

And so I often trick my mind

to place sordid memories far behind

still… regret creeps in from time to time …

 

And then sometimes I even pretend

that day had actually not transcended

Imagine . . . starting anew again !!!

 

but reality knocks with raging force

thus I am left with grave remorse

perhaps that day changed my life’s course??

 

forever regretful, my heart still aches

but my God can NOT make mistakes

I convince myself for sanity’s sake

 

And so what IS, IS. What’s meant shall be

and that’s my whole tricked reality . . .

My life’s anchor through soul’s eternity  . . .

Regret’s but a piece of life that’s made me, me . . .

~Written in memory of my dear mother, Marion Wallace, who died of a massive heart attack when I was 15, shortly after we’d had a terrible argument and I had left the house.   I miss you, ma. 

~~CordieB.  

"Quote:  Imagine, in the midst of a heated argument, that the person you are arguing with suddenly clutches his/her heart, utters a cry, and falls dead at your feet. Where is your anger now?"  ~Unknown

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18 Comments»

  art-shkola wrote @

It’s so amazing! Thanks for sharing.

  tobeme wrote @

What a horrible thing to have happened. I often have thought of this very thing when I have argued with someone, what if these are the last words we exchange? This is a very important reminder that we never know when the bell will sound for us and we should leave every conversation on a positive note and not say that which we may regret.

  Grace wrote @

Ah, Cordie. BIG HUGS, girlfriend.

Out of curiousity, have you ever spoken with your mom since she passed over….about what happen, and how you feel about it?

  cordieb wrote @

@Grace. Thanks for the Hugs girlfriend. I don’t believe I have. . . I suppose in my mind, I’ve said I’m sorry, I’ve cried, I’ve told myself she’d tell me to forgive myself and she’d forgive me and she loves me. . . but no. . . I really have never communicated with the dead in the way I think you are talking about. I’ve dreamed about her often, but in my dreams, she never died or died in a different manner.

Blessings…

  psychscribe wrote @

Oh Cordie, I’m so so sorry it had to happen that way…all of it…for you to lose your mother so young and traumatically, and for those to have been your final words…but I do believe it had to happen that way, that everything has to happen that way…who knows? Maybe you would not have grown into the wonderful, creative, spiritual person you are who helps so many on this blog? Blessings…

  psychscribe wrote @

P.S. Even writing your poem, and sharing this with others, might prevent them from a similar regret….

  rawdawgbuffalo wrote @

i have never regreted anything for i learn from all

  gypsy-heart wrote @

So sorry that your heart has been in despair.
I’m sure our words cannot bring you comfort. Besides your beautiful words say all that need be said.
Your Mother knows your actions were that of a teenage girl, and that you loved her then and now!!
There is something to Grace’s question, my dear. I am speaking from experience too. 🙂

Love, light, and healing energies to you.

  whypaisley wrote @

i am so with you on this.. i can forgive i can accept i can tear it all apart and put it back together again,, but for some ungodly reason i cannot forget,, and that is what haunts me… why?? all the really terrible things in my life are long past,, have been for over a decade… and still i wallow in the muck and mire they left behind… if you find out how to forget,, please let me know.. i wanna give it a try too……

  benafia wrote @

It often seems that we connect our behavior with a very bad outworking, especially these critical ones that seem to be left hanging in the air of the past. We try to grab them in some way; that somehow they might change from our impression of our experience and the events left in memory.

Your poem, to me, reflects some of this re-parenting of ourselves, by extending our reach into transcendent truths that live beyond specific events.

I was 11 when my mother died, but all we kids were relieved after all the suffering she had endured. In ways we would never logically comprehend, life does have agendas beyond some of our abilities to influence what I would prefer.

Your blog is dedicated to understanding our reactions to many of these load bearing happenings. You are a nurturing figure here on the WEB. Someone said it above, this in my way; that as we expose our continuing feelings on these issues, some light can reach back into the past.

We will at times suffer over the love we come to recognize, and how it seemed to have been sacrificed. But it is we who have the choice to recognize that love again. Treating it as the sacred presence it was and remains, regardless of our past forgetfulness.

Thanks for your blog and all it does for us.

On The Journey…

  SurfaceEarth wrote @

OH…………….Cordie, your soul is pure. Blessings in abundance and peace to you.

  cordieb wrote @

@ art-shkola. Blessings my friend! Peace, Light and Love, Cordieb.

@Tobeme. So true. A lesson we should all take to heed. Thank you dear friend! Peace, Light and Love, Cordieb.

@Grace. I’ve commented above. You’ve got to elaborate when you get a moment. . . Peace, Light and Love, Cordieb.

@ psychscribe. Thanks for your concern. All is well. Hopefully it might make someone at least think before letting anger control their words or deeds. In truth, once spilled, words can really never be cleaned up completely. They always leave a stain, no matter how faint. Peace, Light and Love, Cordieb.

@Rawdawg. Yes Rawdawg. . . I see what you are saying. However, I believe that regret is just as much a part of life as honour. We must learn from all of our actions, even those regretful ones. Peace, Light and Love, Cordieb.

@Gypsy Heart. Thanks Gypsy. . . you and Grace have to let me in on this. I’ve always wanted to do this but never thought it possible. Peace, Light and Love, Cordieb.

@Whypaisley. Paisley, if I had a magic pill for forgetting everything I consider bad in my life. . . I would throw it away. As painful as memories might be. . . they are all part of what make us what we are today. We will never forget these memories. . . and if we did. . . who would we be. . . a blank canvas perhaps. Look at and love the beautiful woman and soul that I see and many others see in you now. You are who you are because of many peaces of an intricate puzzle of life, inclusive of pieces we may regret. Peace, Light and Love, Cordieb.

@Benefia. Very, very wise words. I’ve read your comment twice. . . and I will read it again. There is a divine meaning in this comment for me and I feel I must digest it to ensure it remains. There are times that I know that many of my failures are due to the fact that I do not subconciously believe I deserve what I desire. This is something I’ve been working on about myself…Once I became aware of it. . it made a difference. Your post reminded me of that and brought showed it to me in another light!! Thank you so much for sharing!!! Peace, Light and Love, Cordieb.

@Surface Earth. Thanks SE. . . I strive to be. Yet, I am human. Peace, Light and Love, Cordieb.

  To My Everlasting Shame « Psychscribe wrote @

[…] (This post was inspired by a poem by Cordie entitled:  If I had it to do all again) […]

  To My Everlasting Shame « Café Crem wrote @

[…] (This post was inspired by a poem by Cordie entitled:  If I had it to do all again) […]

  enreal wrote @

we take all which makes us individuals… the good, bad, happy, sad… regret and guilt… they too carve a whole in our being… I have my regrets and you are right to say “Regret’s but a piece of life that’s made me, me . . .”

Very hard thing to admit, yet it is wise… it is true… and as for this piece… it definitely is you… heart and soul. Beautifully bittersweet.

I could go on for there are many parts of this which can be addressed by their own light… but I shall leave it alone. Perfect masterpiece of emotion and intent. Namaste my deep heartfelt friend

  SanityFound wrote @

Absolutely beautiful sis, this is so heart felt and inspiring, a keeper and a masterpiece!

BTW How close are you to PA – these maps of the states confuse me, they say 1cm = a few miles but I think they lie hmph

  cordieb wrote @

@Enreal. . . Thanks my Angel Enreal. . . so true. . . “they too carve a whole in our being.” For some reason I knew you would understand this poem whole heartedly. Peace, Light and Love. . . always, kindred spirit. . .

@Sanity Found. Thanks sis. . . your words are so kind and inspiring! I’m about 300 miles from PA. . . not that far. Why do you ask??? email me!

  SanityFound wrote @

Um coz I’m there in um April? 😀 kk I emails


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