Good afternoon to all you beautiful people! I just want to say thanks for reading and commenting on my life poetry lately; I know it can be a downer at times; so I appreciate you guys bearing with me as I begin to remove bandages off some old wounds so they can be exposed to the sunlight to dry out, scab over, and completely heal. I want to thank all of you for that, but especially Paisley at Why Paisley and Just Paisley , for if not her for her revealing of truths, I may have continued bandaging these wounds, never allowing them to air. Anywho . . . enough of that for now. For your kindness and your love I wanted to send you off with a freaky, funny weekend – so I hope this one has you in stiches and lifts your beautiful spirits! Read on . . . Have a freaky funny weekend!
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass, he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, ‘When I am worried about getting nervous at the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.’
So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the ‘Big T.’
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, ‘Take this and eat it for it is my body.’ He did not say ‘Eat me’.
12) The Virgin Mary is not called ‘Mary with the
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not:
Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.
Received this from my friend Roy Bowers – thanks for the laughs Roy!