Looking in the Mirror

Spiritual Revelations for those seeking Humanity in Humans ~~CordieB.

Holding on does not equate to love. . .

There are times when loving someone means we must let them go.  It is not healthy or productive to remain in a relationship that makes you happy sometimes; sad most of the time.  Yet, we hang on.  We hang on believing that something bad will happen to that person if we let him or her go.  That is the ego telling us what we want to hear.  We hang on in fear that no one else will love them or us the way we want to be loved.  This time the ego is telling us that we are not good enough.  We hang on because we don’t know who or what may come along.  We believe there is a lack of available mates.  We hang on wishing, hoping, trying to make it work — afraid it will not.  When a relationship is over, it is over; but the love can live on.  Loving someone means you want him or her to be happy.  If that person can be happy without you, love enough to let go.

~Vanzant

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10 Comments»

  Amber wrote @

Wise post.. something many of us need to hear. Thank you for this one.

BTW The Flicker Photo “June Reverie” touches my soul deeply honey. Do you happen to sell prints of that picture? It is so good Id like to order it. Let me know!

Sending you a huge hug and a smile…
@Ambermoon. Thanks for the huge hug and smile. I feel it’s warmth already. I’ve sent you an email about the print – tis not my work – just on my fliickr roll as it is one of my favs. PLL, CordieB.

  Sorrow wrote @

Love
Love with out attachment to outcome.
LOVE

@Sorrow. Isn’t that what love really is about? How hard a lesson is that for us to learn and why? Thanks for the reminder! PLL, CordieB.

  Author wrote @

Cordie,

Another post that rings a bell for me.

I had to learn this hard painful lesson many years ago – when the love of my life left me. It almost dstroyed me, I had to have counselling and I clearly remember that I believed my life was ruined and I’d never get over him.

Then, as time moved on – I began to let go emotionally and the fog cleared. I began to see and accept the misery that this particular person had put me through for 5 years. I recognised how he had destroyed my confidnce and encouraged me to feel a failure. How he had continually undermined me and rubbished me out. (Incidentally – he is still doing the same to his current partner even now – so 16 years later he hasn’t changed or grown a scrap).

My only real failure was not letting go sooner.

Eventually, I met the man who was to become my second husband. And low and behold, when I was really happy – the x-lover suddenly wanted me back. I didn’t go, needless to say. by then, I knew him for what he was.

But you are so right – don’t hang on to the image you’ve formed in your own mind of how you want somebody to be. Look at the REAL them – and the damage they create – and if that’s not what you want ‘ LET GO!

The only good that came of that relationship was – I wrote a novel about it: Juggling Cats. I’m not ready to publish it yet – it still feels a bit raw.
@Author. Funny that we seem to all go through so many similar experiences; some of us more often than others. You’d think we’d learn the first time (ha ha) Anywho – get that book published girlfriend – I just love a steamy novel. I’m ordering the first one today. PLL, CordieB.

  Author wrote @

PS: I’ll post a chapter from this novel some time soon – a sort of pre-run.

  paisley wrote @

and sometimes you just hang on because you are scared to death of being alone… this was a beautiful well thought out piece.. i found pieces of myself all over it……

@Paisley. I do believe that is the hardest part. . . also wondering if we are simply being selfish – (that’s what I wonder at times). Anywho, it’s good to be able to express it in blogville and hear input from loving souls as yourself. PLL, CordieB.

  SanityFound wrote @

If you love something, let it go and if it comes back to you it was meant to be. I forget the exact words, am poetically disabled tonight, perhaps it is more because this is close to my heart. Mwah!

@sanityfound. I know of what you speak. T’is so true. Nothing real can vanish; nothing unreal exists! Mwah, PLL, CordieB.

  glaize wrote @

This is really good, Cordie. It is beautiful. It tugged well one of my heart’s threads today. I see myself, a past standing before me…now I am glad I didn’t hold on much longer. Thank you for reminding me again. Reminding me that it was for the better =]

I’d ask a 1000 questions
just to know who and what made it happen
but all that I’ve ever questioned
would never actually tell me why

@Glaize. So true, dear Glaize. We must find the answer; else we will have to learn the lesson over and over; we must ask ourselves why until we figure it out. But, we already know, don’t we? PLL, CordieB.

  rawdawgbuffalo wrote @

so true

Funny how we know it but yet live it over and over. PLL, CordieB.

  marlajayne wrote @

Lots of truth here, Cordie. Sometimes I think we hang on because our emotions blind us to the truth. We want something or someone so badly that we disguise the truth, make excuses, or deny reality.

What I wish everyone would realize is that they deserve the absolute best that life and love have to offer, and if that isn’t happening, then something needs to change.

@MarlaJayne. So true. But whose to change? You, being the spiritual being that you are surely know in the end it’s not about good and bad or right and wrong but about principals and principalities; the bible speaks of this. What do you suppose that means? PLL, CordieB.

  Hayden Tompkins wrote @

Loving someone without trying to force them, or your relationship, towards your expectation is hard. This was a lesson that took me a long time to learn.
@PI. If I had listened to you months ago, I wouldn’t be having these thoughts today; or would I. Who knows. Anywho . . . life is life, what’s the other alternative? There is none. Thanks for enduring and listening to my many groans – it gets better as you well know! PLL, CordieB.


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