Looking in the Mirror

Spiritual Revelations for those seeking Humanity in Humans ~~CordieB.

I’m Tired! `Written by CordieB

Deshun Taylor – 14 year olf killed while walking home – not the intended victim- an innocent life gone so soon!

I’m tired of living in the hood
Where gray is brain and red is blood
And children would leave if they could
And poor families are often misunderstood
I’m tired of seeing young folk roll in chairs
with wheels who can no longer climb the stairs
not because they were born with such disableness
but because they were shot; blessed to live no less
I’m tired of seeing mothers sobbing and crying
whild holding a child on the street that is dying
I’m tired of seeing fathers sigh
while cursing God and asking why
I’m tired of seeing brothers and sisters mad at the world; feeling defeat
because their brother’s been killed by their friend down the street
I’m tired of seeing whole neighborhoods in dispair in need of repair
And everyone talking but nobody’s walking the walk or showing they care
I’m tired of praying for an uneventful day
Instead of for real things, like people should pray
I’m tired of the fear to walk to the store
or call the police for fear of turf war;
for fear that my own children will bear consequence
of me aiding the law makers in stopping the noncense.
I’m tired of not having the words to say to a relative
whose lost her son and is trying to live on and forgive
I’m tired of not knowing just what to convey
to that parent at the funeral – tell me what would you say?
I’m tired of mothers and fathers not teaching their own
about life respect and those many seeds that should be sown
instead of street, drugs, disrespect and tit for tat
thinking thug is cute; in the drug game with wallets fat
I’m tired of parents loosing all control
of their own self-respect to their 12-year old
I’m tired of parents being too lazy, tired or scared to disipline
Or trying to be cool; you can’t be a parent and be his friend
Even a real friend tells a friend right from wrong
Not leave it up to him to find out on his own
I tell you! I am sick and damn tired
of young babies with babies who end up expired
before they are 20; oftentimes even younger
What happend to neighborhood unity; I wonder!
I’m tired of everyone scared to speak up
of the filth and the rubbish that is all down the block
In fear of that thug down the street with a glock
I’m tired of whispering a prayer of relief when I find
out the teen laying out on the street is not one of mine
I’m tired of no activities; no community centers
No movies or skatelands; no positive mentors
We’ve all dropped the ball on a whole generation
of young people who know no love from our nation
I’m tired of those who refuse to inconvience themself
for the benefit of the life of a child, inspite of themself
I’m tired of the talking papers, the reports and surveys
The crack and the smack and lean that causes brain decay
I’m tired of the empty prayers placed on the shelf
I’m tired of the hood; I’m tired of myself.
~Written by CordieB. 

Every Friday, I usually join my Photo Friday club;  This week’s theme is Unlucky .  I was simply too sick and tired to take a picture this week – besides, I couldn’t think of anything more unfortunate than the loss of a child – some call it unlucky – some call it fate – some call it God’s will.  My daughter’s neighbor’s child, who was only 14 year’s old was killed on Wednesday while walking home.  Word is that he was not the intended victim; an innocent bystander.  One of the bullets came through my daughter’s window, along with more bullets that came through other neighbor’s windows.  I’ts a blessing that no one else was hurt.  I’m whispering a prayer for the family of Deshun Taylor, I can feel his mothers grief.  I pray that she will be able to make it through this terrible time.  I’m whispering a prayer for all of us, although I’m sick and tired!    


Update on Deshun Taylor’s case: 

All three suspects in the Wednesday killing of an East End seventh-grade middle school student have been arrested, a crowd mourning the death of the slain boy learned last night.

The mourners were gathered for a candlelight prayer vigil in the 2200 block of Fairfield Avenue, near where 14-year-old Deshun Taylor was felled by a bullet Wednesday about 2 p.m.

Alicia Rasin, an advocate for the families of homicide victims, announced shortly after 8 p.m. that interim Police Chief David McCoy just had told her the third suspect had been caught.  Read More . . .

More Posts and News

A few of Comments from Richmond Citizens

Vigil Photos










  SanityFound wrote @

Cordie I feel each word that you utter in my heart and soul, so sad. I am glad your daughter is ok and my heart goes out to her neighbour for their loss. Hang in there, Sending you hugs & mwah!!!

@SanityFound – Thanks for being my sounding ear. I know you know of the things that I speak; living in South Africa, where street war is second nature so to speak. We must keep our collective energies flowing and do what we can when we can. We must not give up, although we may be tired. Peace, Light and Love, Cordieb.

  Sorrow wrote @

Maybe thats where I was at , where i am at today.
Just tired, tired of the apathy, the indifference, the sanctimonious bullshit that fills the waves, that washes over me and makes me rage, until I am just damn tired.
I lit a candle, I spoke one word…
and I will go light another one for you and say
“please” again.. may the light show us a way…

@Sorrow: That is an appropriate word. One that opens doors so often. I lit a candle at the vigile along with others and I believe our collective energies brought some closure; as the shooter was captured within minutes after that event. Thanks for loving vibes of energy; they mean much. As always, keep that “peanut” safe and secure. Peace, Light and Love, CordieB.

  Glenn wrote @


I don’t know what to say. It sounds like a scene from “Boyz in the Hood” and “New Jack City.”

What a horror story. And the poor parents of the innocent little child.

I’m not even going to get into the God’s will thing, because whenever I hear people lay all the tragedies of the world on a divine being, I say why would anyone want to worship an entity that was responsible for the Holocaust, Sadam Hussain, Idi Amin, racism and all the rest of history’s inexplicable events.

I wish there is something I can do for you guys. I really do. I will thing of you and the entire neighborhood in my meditations.

@Glenn. Thanks for your loving spirit and concern; And thanks for your meditations – hopefully our collective meditations and prayers will send a univeral signal of peace! I thank you for all you do and all you are; for I know you are a “walker” not just a talker. I know you are truly sincere in your words and would open not just your heart, but also your home, if necessary. For that I call you a true souldier. Power to the freedom fighters! Peace, Light and Love, CordieB.

  Sue Ann Edwards wrote @

{{{{hugs}}}} cordieb….

Now what I’m going to say isn’t going to be easy to say. But the genuine desire of your heart and soul spoken so eloquently, deserves no less from me.

Before I say anything else, I’m going to say that I have personally been through the experience of losing a child. So if anyone should imagine I ‘just don;t know”….I most certainly do. Been there. Done that. I would say to any other Mother in like circumstances, to Appreciate and feel Grateful for, the years of memories that now keep you company. For a lot of us don’t even have that, our children died so young.

Next, I ask a question: how sincere is our desire for such things to cease? HOW tired are we? And how much of our effort is it worth to change it?

For I say to you…notice the relationship pattern you have between yourself and all these experiences? Is it a relationship of judgment and condemnation? Do you feel like you’d just like the see our world rid of things like this?

I know I once did. Then I discovered my choice of seeing things that way was what kept bringing it into creation. Whenever and where ever I was lacking in understanding, acceptance and tolerance, this is what our world would mirror to me.

I will also say if the child’s Soul had not been in Absolute accord with leaving this dimension at this time, he would not have. But I do understand that the purpose of life from the perspective of our personalities, is vastly different then from the perspective of our Soul.

Of course, our Soul knows we are not just a story, with a beginning and an end. Our Soul knows we are the Readers of our stories, all lost in them for the most part.


@Sue Ann. Again ((hugs)). Many people reading your words will think of them as harsh; but I must be the first to say there is often harshness in the truth; I know that you speak out of knowing and not of feeling; and for that I thank you. We have so many layers of fear that it is very hard to shed even a few of those layers. But with reminders from those like yourself who have experienced a glimse of truth, we can began to see life as it is; not as we feel it should be based upon our own neediness, fears and judgements; if we are willing. If we shed love to our fellowman; pure unconditional love – accepting all that is with clarity – as God does – and realizing we are not victims but children of God, blessed with life there will be no sorrow; and we will no longer draw to us the experiences that cause so much pain. This of course would have to be a collective effort; for the vibes of others effect all; and eventually the pain that we speak of today will no longer be. I pray that day will come sooner than later. I’m not good at explaining this; but I know of your heart and I again thank you for your insights and truths. Peace, Light and Love, CordieB.

  lostwidow wrote @

i hear you sista
im tired too
keep the fingers to keys…
its the most helpful/least harmful drug ive tried yet
peace n prayers to you n yours

@Lostwidow. I’m keeping my fingers to the keys and my hand outreached to those I can help; trying to overcome my own fears. Thanks for the love. As a young widow among your other daily triumphs, I know you understand the feeling of dispair more than most of us; it is your strength and the strength of those like you – the real souldiers- that help me go on – knowing it can be done. Blessings to you and yours. . . Luv CordieB.

  Author wrote @


What a terrible thing to happen. How simply awful.

The words you wrote are beautiful.

The words you wrote sum up not just how you feel but how the good ordinary people in your neighborhood feel, your State feel, your country feel, people in the World feel.

We feel the same in the UK too. Only this week my husband and I were having a conversation about just such things. We feel helpless in the face of what’s going on in the world right now. It’s deeply depressing.

I will pray for the little one, and his mother, and his family – and us all.


@Author. Thanks for the good vibes from the UK. Hugs are returned from the US. As a survivor, I feel that you know better than most of us know the power of human will. I am borrowing some of your strenght today to give me power to help those I can and to overcome my fears; as I said I am tired. Thanks for your kind words and loving spirit. Peace, Light and Love, CordieB.

[…] CordieB: didn’t enter this week but each and everyone of us should read why. She is the voice of us all. […]

[…] good vision until now. Many don’t live for a fraction of the time he has had on earth (read CodieB’s heart breaking post from yesterday) – so we’re all amazed and thankful that grandad has had such a long and […]

  Hayden Tompkins wrote @

That is horrible. I just when innocent people get killed by drive-by’s. And for a while, it was happening in MIA all the time. What could they possibly be THINKING?? My heart goes out to his family.

@Hayden. Keep doing what you do by helping people overcome their fears and moving beyond their self imposed limitations. I wish I could multiply you by infinite degrees – for many of us need your positive reinforcement and mentoring skills, and realness to give us the needed boost. Thanks for the love. . . CordieB.

  CuriousC wrote @

{{{{{{{{and some more hugs from me}}}}}}}}}
We can never give or get too many. – C

@CuriousC.{{{{hugs}}} – We can never get enough; at least I can’t. Your vibes are felt universally – they touch many. Blessings to you and yours. CordieB.

  Tall T wrote @


My heart goes out to you and Deshaun’s family. What a horrible, sensless tragedy.

It makes me feel like literally vomiting.

What is this world coming to?

@TallT. Blessing to you. Thanksfor your support. As an educator, I’m sure you must have provided hope to many children; I thank you for that. Peace, Light and Love to you and yours. . . Cordieb

  Cordieb wrote @

@All. Thanks for all the love. I went to the vigil last night; and thankfully the last shooter was caught by the end of the vigil! Thank God! I have to run for now; been keeping busy on the run, but just wanted to say thanks to all of you for your concern and love. I’ll be visiting your places once I can settle in; and will answer each response personally. Peace, Light and Love, CordieB.

  SanityFound wrote @

Phew I am relieved, thank goodness! Hats off to the police gives me hope when they catch the bars. *hugs*

  bg92647bg wrote @

I send you healing energy of the crystal bowl…it sings for you, can you hear it?

Your poem…such poem is important to the world..to those of us who have worked the frontliens and see the line triple quadruple that comes towards us, with hearts held in hands, waiting for us to change it all…and knowing we can only touch who we can… It was a monumental tsk..and I send blessings to those who picked up my causes and held them to their hearts.

@Mystery Writer. Blessings to you too. I assume you are a peace “souldier” or a person who has witnessed and offered comfort in many tragedies, and my heart goes out to you. I do feel your healing energies, and I’m sending them off to you too dear heart. We must rid our fears and continue to help those within our power! Thanks for the love. Peace, Love and Light to you and yours . . . CordieB.

  Sue Ann Edwards wrote @

{{{Dearest}}}…the ONE thing creating such instances to come into creation is ANY belief of ours, in VICTIMIZATION. So long as we keep on believing in it, then such events will keep happening.

@SueAnn. {{hugs}} I understand where you’re coming from Sue Ann. Everthing that happens in life has its purpose; our selfishness blinds us to this fact; and fact that we have layers upon layers of fears, judgements, belief systems, etc. It is when we understand these layers are false that we can begin to shed these beliefs. But unfortunately, these layers took years to build up, some may even be entwined in our DNA; and for most of us, they are not easy to shed – but because of people like yourself who remind us so often, we can shed a bit at a time if we are willing. Blessings to you and your wise words as always – Peace, Light and Love, CordieB.

  rawdawgbuffalo wrote @

dont see what women like in thugs

@Rawdawgb. The same thing that men see in strippers and some us see in rollercoasters. But that’s a whole other blog. Peace, Light and Love, CordieB.

  Visionary wrote @

Hi Cordie, words fail me so all I can do is send you love and hug you till you feel better.

Love & Hugs


@V. Thanks – I’m feeling better now. We have our moments – sometimes I believe they are brought into existence to move us in different directions – to love more. Peace, Light and Love, Cordieb.

  cordieb wrote @

@All. Again, Thanks for your loving energies. I have left individual messages for each of you below your comments. Peace, Light and Love . . . CordieB.

  Sue Ann Edwards wrote @

It isn’t easy cordieb, saying what we need to hear but don’t want to. There is the saying the “truth can set us free’ but there us also the saying ‘the truth hurts’. The reason it often hurts, is because we have invested so much of our lives in lies. And what we expect and most often qualify as being ‘loving’, is support for these lies.

“You help me maintain my illusions and I’ll help you maintain yours.”

From where I am coming from, I keep WAITING for all the lives that have been given in support of our Humanity, like this young man’s life and those that died in 9-11, to be Honored and Respected, which our beliefs in ‘victimization’ have been blocking.

Seeing a person as a victim, is in direct conflict with Honoring and Respecting our Souls.

And we reap as we sow….

Now, do you see why it keeps happening?

  cordieb wrote @

@Sue Anne. Actually, no – I do not see why such an innocent young man could have sowed anything in this life to deserve to die; and no I do not see how many things that happen in this world are sowed. Perhaps we reap with others sow at times; perhaps others reap what we sow at times; but it does not mean that it all equal out in no way. It takes collective positive energy to balance the colletive hatred that has been sowed so much in our world. I’m sorry but no i do not see why it keeps happening other than what is is and accept it as such. I’ve let go my initial judgements – I’ve even released my self judgements – still I do not see why it keeps happening – and will contine happening no matter how I think or what i do or not do, unfortunately.

  SanityFound wrote @

Yes we must never give up even if we get tired, second winds always come and normally in the shape of a kind heart or an inspiring soul.

No matter how much you may be used to something, if it feels wrong it is wrong and that will never change. Don’t know if that makes sense but guess what I’m trying to say and there is no “nice” way of saying it either… Death is senseless, the death of an innocent person more so, the death of a child who was yet to live his life not only senseless but irreversibly sad. It isn’t victimization in the least it is more wanting to stop senseless death, wanting to create and have an environment where you don’t have to fear for your life everyday. It is only victimisation if you have never been through it. This child will be remembered and honoured, he could even be the change that is needed within the community that is doing all these nasties. He was a victim in the literal sense of the word but a hero in all others. That has to do with ones perception and how you choose to see it, nothing else.

Sorry Cordie this is close to my heart as you know so I think I rambled a bit lol. Hang in there oks.

  Cordieb wrote @

@SanityFound. Thanks SF for saying the words so eloquently. You have said just what I felt and mean with clarity and understanding. Thanks. Mwah! CordieB.

  Cordieb wrote @

@Sue Ann. I suppose your last comment must have rubbed me wrongly. I will have to revisit your comment for better clarity and understanding on another day. As my brain is too full at present time. I do know of what you speak in how we reap what we sow; but I fail to understand you clearly at this time. So often I have to come back to your words; this will be one of those times. Blessings and butterfly kisses of joyful energies to you and yours. . . Until then . . .CordieB.

  SanityFound wrote @

Cord’s I’ve sent you a mail, my soul had a lot to say, sorry. It is easier to understand if one has been through it or going through it. I am with you sista! Right, now I need sleep! Mwah!

  Sue Ann Edwards wrote @

Cordieb…what lessons are being brought home to roost by what has happened to this young man? What opportunities for his family’s and community’s Soul growth?

I keep SAYING that it is all about embracing the NEGATIVE experiences in our lives that matter, Spiritually speaking. So what, we can Understand, Accept and Tolerate the “positive”? It’s the “negative” experiences that bring out our Virtue, which means strength, inner strength, or exposes our lacks in it.

There is a ritual practiced in certain cultures in Africa, where a child is held up to the universe and acknowledged to be a child of God’s at birth. Now…,what do you imagine takes precedence? Being a Child of God’s or being a child of our body’s?

And it is in mistaking this precedence, that is the basis of our confusion, as well as, being the foundation for our arrogance.

How do we expect to build inner strength if given no burdens?

  gypsy-heart wrote @

CordieB…My heart hurts for all of you especially Deshun’s family.
There is a war right here in the US..and the battle is to stop this needless violence.
I know it isn’t much, but it is all I have to offer, but I will mention all of you when I light my candles tomorrow.

We can only put out positive energies from within our circle..we never know where those energies spread within our circle and beyond. Your words went out…powerful energies they carried!

Love, light, and peace of heart to you and those in your life.

  enreal wrote @

I can not describe the power of this piece… I felt it… I still feel it… I feel your weary Soul… I am tired too. Maybe one day we will awake, refreshed… there will be no need for the weary… maybe one day… For now it is you and me and the rest of this world which needs to do as you just did…

Cordie… I can only imagine the pain you felt… the sickness… the exhaustion… I can say things happen… we know not the reason… they simply do… I know what you feel… it is your light this world needs

  johnnypeepers wrote @

Wonderful and encouraging words cordie. The crack epidemic is very bad in my neighborhood and protected by local police who get a cut of the action. My neighbors took the initiative to paint over the gang graffiti at the local market where they sell their poisons. Things are better now, I hope it lasts. Of course, I (and everyone else who cares) have a responsibility to ensure this.

There is no government solution – only spiritual consciousness awakening. I pray it will not be too late for many lost souls stumbling through their Earth prison. Keep hope alive!

  Sue Ann Edwards wrote @

The telling question to ask ourselves is:

Do/did we recognize and acknowledge this young man as a Divine Being in the first place?

*there* is where our differences in perspectives in coming from.

We cannot give what we do not have.

If we are not aware of ourselves as Divine Beings, then we cannot see others as Divine Beings, either. And since we are unaware…through our blindness and through our ignorance we fail to extend Love, Honor & Respect, not only to our own selves but towards others.

Therein lies all the sowing and, unfortunately, all the reaping stemming from it.

I don’t CARE what the ‘problem’ Is…crack, meth, heroin…NO THING is worth the human costs.

Including and not limited to…the price we pay for our gas.

Monkey see, monkey do. Society is teaching our kids that use of force is the way things are done.

  cordieb wrote @

@Sue Ann. I agree nothing is worth the human costs. I believe we agree on that point and many others. You seem to be quite agitated – not unlike the agitation I expressed in my post of being tired. The Universe and God is far to vast to be boxed into condtions of sowing and reeping; although I know that does happen some time – but God’s methology is far too complex to box everything that happens into any spiritual box. Even in meta/quantum physics, the observer changes the whole mechaninism of matter – not explained, can’t be boxed. Just when you think you know the answers, the universe changes the playing field. I feel divinity in myself and i do see divinity in the children and all of God’s creation. I believe that “we” collectively create many things that happen; but that is only a belief – The Creator’s power is such that we may simply be mere puppets. WHO KNOWS, WHO CARES- I DO – therefore I will take the chance on my belief that some changes are within my will and power. Peace, Light and Love, CordieB.

  Sue Ann Edwards wrote @

“Even in meta/quantum physics, the observer changes the whole mechaninism of matter ”

It’s what I keeping jumping down in excitement trying to convey to you and it’s right at the top of your mind…I can just sense it…like a bubble you keeping bumping up against and desire to get past…

“what” KIND of relationship, are we, as observers…

choosing? Uh…er…um….imagining?

Is it one of Conflict?

Are we choosing a perspective of Be-ing AT Peace, with whatever experience has popped up in life? What sort of relationship are we choosing to have with Reality? Is it one of being opposed to it?

Do we accept God’s will as an Absolute? If it exists and it happened, then “God” has allowed it. Or do we choose instead, to believe in an impotent omnipotence?

Are we going to Love Life or Fear Death? They are different.

I agree, the horror is horrible. But such are the wages of both war and “sin” it is said. If we desire to resolve our problems, which are only intensifying across the board, we’ve got to cease choosing to declare ‘war’ on everything.

It is an act of negation. Self negation. And one of us ‘selfs’ is going to end up playing the part that is negated. And it hurts…

We can’t be Whole without the sum of all our parts. Especially those parts we can’t fathom….like what works within the heart and mind of a terrorist? Or the gang members in this story? Or a homeless person?

It takes pain in order to be able to extend it.

I once knew a little boy, 8 years old, that told me he wanted to grow up to go to prison because they had cable tv in prison.

Instead of condemning where we are, it is wiser to find out how and why we got here.

Peace? (smiling) Is a personal choice of what kind of relationship we choose, moment to moment, to have with Life itself.

Since your post expressed you were feeling a lack of this peace and your salutation and blessing at the end was for peace, that is why I have kept trying to convey….

  Sue Ann Edwards wrote @

Divine One…you’ve written it yourself…I may be considered ‘harsh’ yet….the perspective I am expressing and sharing is one of Being at Peace with what has transpired. I am choosing to sow Peace. While what is being shared and supported by most of us, is being conflicted over what has transpired. That is choosing to sow conflict.

Now…of all things…why would “I” be the one considered having an attitude that is ‘harsh’? Maybe because it’s not supportive of our attitudes of conflict?

Compassion makes miracles but the only thing sympathy every brings, is more suffering and woe.

  Cordieb wrote @

@Sue Ann. Thank you Sue Ann – I told you it take me a while to see where you are coming from. I now see it. Have a blessed morning and peaceful day. I will be writing on something of this nature later today. Aha!! Peace, Light and Love, CordieB.

  amberfireinus wrote @

Cordie – my soul aches for you. I send prayers out for you, your family, your loved ones and everyone who knows you and whose lives you touch. This tragedy will hopefully serve some great purpose in the world. Maybe it will teach others wisdom of non violence. I can only pray it does. Then this death will not be in vain, and your loss will not be for nothing.

No one could ever make up for this in your heart. Nothing will ever take away the pain you feel. But the love and the light you give to others shows the compassion and the goodness of man, and is and example to us all.

  amberfireinus wrote @

@ Sue Ann – As I can see you are a woman of great compassion, you’ll understand that now isn;t the time for us to point fingers and hold blame. It is simply a time to support our friend Cordie in her pain and need. Lets leave our social awareness discussions to another less painful time… 🙂

[…] June 18, 2008 Sanityfound and I were inspired to write this post together whilst reading CordieB’s blog post today.  This also could be applied many times to Lindsey’s blog […]

  Sue Ann Edwards wrote @

It is addressing this *need* of ours {amberfireinus), for this need is being created by the perspective and ideas, IN Cordieb’s head…the experiences of pain, suffering, misery and woe are ALL being caused by the way we choose to see things.

I am suggesting we activate mental and emotional discipline, in most especially our time of *need*, for this feeling of lack, is being SELF created. It’s called being accountable and responsible for our use of volitional will.

Without this accountability, all we are is emotionally self indulgent in negative emotions…addicted to drama.

Sow conflict, reap conflict. And that is why I suggest becoming AWARE of our conflicted thoughts and attitudes, as they will continue to manifest conflict.

I work with those of us whose hearts’ desire is empowerment, while what you suggests, in enabling dependencies….most especially our emotional dependencies.

[…] June 20, 2008 Amber and I were inspired to write this post together whilst reading CordieB’sblog post today.  This also could be applied many times to Lindsey’s blog […]

  Hayden Tompkins wrote @

“It’s what I keeping jumping down in excitement trying to convey to you and it’s right at the top of your mind…I can just sense it…like a bubble you keeping bumping up against and desire to get past…”

Oh boy.

Well, I will say this. I find the more awakened I am, the less I feel the need to dictate the spiritual direction of others.

Cordie, I truly hope you are finding solace from all the love being sent your way. You are in my heart.

[…] of the 80’s  destroyed a whole generation; the deaths of Ja mal; Erika and 14 year old, Deshaun.    There are countless others whom I have not written about. . . yet my thoughts of the senseless […]

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